A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My sister in law is with a loser guy. To give some examples: he has a violent terrible temper and is unkind to her, they have a 1yr old baby, he has never changed a nappy or helped with the baby. He has never held him for more than 5mins or even play with him. If the baby is next to him crying he would never get up to comfort him but wait till my sister-in-law comes back to the room. He has cheated on her which she knows about, he comes home nearly every other day at 10am drunk and sleeps all day, he does no work around the house - we have to go around and help her do chores, even simple things like changing a lightbulb, he never pays their bills on time and so we are always helping them out, and even when we are there he would lock himself in the bedroom and refuse to come out to say hi (we have never been unkind or hostile to him, so there is no need for him to behave this way)Anyway so basically, loser guy - of course she is either far too blinded to realise and chooses to stay with him no matter what.They are now due to be moving to a new place. Of course he hasnt saved money for a deposit and the sister has asked us to lend them £1000 for it. I told my husband I didnt want him to lend this money because I know he will never get it back despite what she says. And out of all the bills we have paid for them in the past they havent been able to pay back we have told them it is ok to not worry about it. A hundred pounds here and there is not so bad but a thousand pounds is alot of money to just forget - we are not rich people at all. I told my husband specifically to tell them we do not have this kind of money to lend them, and by giving them this money it only encourages her to be with this loser guy. It makes me mad as we do so much for her and it seems unfair this loser who is no good to her benefits from it all. I told my husband that tell them they can stay with us for free till they save up the money for a deposit if they want but to not lend them this money. Yesterday he came home and said she asked him for the money and he is lending it to her. I am so mad! I didnt go too ballistic with him because it is tricky and causes him to storm off on me as he and his sister are VERY close - they speak to each other about 3 times a day on the phone. But he knows I am not happy. Also she wants him to act as their guarantor for their new place! And I specifically told him I didnt want to do that either! Because they never pay their bills on time and they are always being chased up for money - and in this case no doubt it will be US who will be chased up to pay their bills when they dont pay on time! And its all good my husband doing it on his own - but fact is because we are married it makes me involved also!I feel so annoyed with it all - just seems so unfair and I have no control over this! Admittedly my hubby said it would be his money he would lend her so I have no say over it - but with the credit crunch and all coming, it is still alot of money to be giving away (as I am certain he wont see any of it back) I do not want my hubby to lend her this amt of money nor do I want to be guarantor plus it only encourages her to continue being with this loser (and us supporting it!) but he says there is nothing I can say and he is refusing to discuss it with me, that it is his sister and he is not going to see her come on hard times and will always help her no matter what I say (which of course I understand!)
View related questions:
drunk, money, sister in law, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 December 2008):
As he says there is pretty much nothing you can do.
It's his choice at the end of the day. However, I think you should ask for something very expensive this Christmas and make it clear that you should not have to suffer because he wants to bail out this waster of a man.
Plus you should probably stop giving her so much help in other ways. Your husband can be guilted into supporting this lay about but you shouldn't be.
If you go round there then don't go out of your way to do stuff and bang on his bedroom door and ask him to give you a hand if you do have a clear up.
Good Luck!! xx
|
