A
female
age
30-35,
*ss18
writes:im having a dilemma on whether or not i should move out with my boyfriend or not. we have been together for almost four years and we have our ups and downs but we love each other very much. for the past few months he has begged and begged me to move out with him because i still live at home while im going to college. and i am for the most part content here. he on the other hand, moved out of his home when he was eighteen when we had only been together a few months because him and his dad didnt get along. he then preceded to move in with his kind of adoptive grandpa whom he has known since he was little. well eventually this living arrangement started to go downhill. he only had a little room in this house and i do mean little and he paid around 700 hundred dollars a month to live there, which i thought was outrageous. the man he lived with said the money goes to the rooms rent, grocery's, part of all the utilities bills and his truck insurance because it was threw him.this worked out fine for a while until my boyfriend started getting less work. and less work meant less money because he gets paid by the hour. so he would struggle to pay all that money to him and have any left over for anything else. not only did he have to pay all that, but his man made him do all kinds of house work. like 3 hours a day. i was unaware there was even that much housework to do everyday. by this time my boyfriend was extremely miserable all the time about being there, but he had no where else to go. why he didnt get his own apartment you may be asking, i dont know. he says because he didnt want to live alone and he wanted to wait on me to move out with him. since i kept turning him down on moving out, he began asking friends to get a place with him and one of his friends agreed. a family member had a house they were willing to rent them for only a hundred bucks a month and they were thrilled. as they waited to be able to move in, the house had a problem and they were unable to move in. so they were screwed. my boyfriend had already told the guy he lived with that he was moving out and he didnt have to pay rent that past month so he could save money. and then when it came time to leave he had to find somewhere and so he went back to his dads. keep in mind that as i mentioned earlier him and his dad dont get along what so ever. and his dad really is a jerk. not to mention he lives about 30 minutes out in the middle of no where. so my boyfriend is very unhappy about this. he desperetly wants me to move out with him but i just dont know if im ready or not. i cant stand the thought of not being home with my dad because i lost my mom years ago. so i think im having some sort of separation anxiety over this. im barely home as it is though, only a few nights a week, so im not sure why the thought of not being here any night scares me so much. i have been going back and fourth on this for at least two months now. and i feel terrible that the person im in love with is so miserable where he is. i honestly dont know what to do at all. im so scared to leave my dad because the thought of losing him is overwhelming. and my dad and i have discussed this many times and he says to do what will make me happy but i dont know what that is. i have told my boyfriend i will decide after Christmas if im going to move out or not and here we are in December and i still have no clue. im just so worried about leaving my dad even though he has a live in girlfriend, whom im not fond of at all. i just dont want to move out and be miserable and then move back home and leave my boyfriend hanging because he couldnt afford it alone. and once again he would have no where to go. has anyone been experienced the same problem?? and can anyone give me some much needed advice on what i should do? thanks in advance and sorry it was so long.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): I think it's important for you, at your age, to experience independence; so, if the opportunity presents itself to finally fly from the nest (you Will have to eventually, clock's a- ticking!), you should at least give it a chance.
Try it; you two are obviously serious if you're considering living together and there's no reason, other than financial, for it to not work... your boyfriend needs you now; why not help him out and be optimistic about the whole situation! You might find you prefer your relationship when it's out and free and you set the rules, not your parent. (I can't imagine Ms. Live- In Girlfriend is making your life very easy at your dad's house...) No curfew, no sneaking around. Why shouldn't it make your relationship better than ever? :)
-Tante Victoire
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