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female
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36-40,
*issdimples3
writes:so I am in love with 2 guys :( my boyfriend has so much to learn n we have way too many differences.. but he loves me way more then I love him and I will destroy him if I leave him :( the other guy that I am deeply and truely in to.. makes me laugh makes me smile and makes me feel like I am on top of the world... thats just by being my friend! I know you no matter what I do someone will get hurt.. and I know that someone will be my boyfriend and i really don't want to break his heart not while we're In Iraq deployed! :( what should I do! oOoO we only been together for like 3 months. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): It certainly seems that his true colours are coming out now! I think you are doing the right thing by standing your ground though and staying strong. You are right, it really won't work if you are not happy with him. And you don't need to give him, or anyone else, a reason why. If you are not happy with someone then you aren't. Simple as that. Sometimes things just don't work out, and that is normal and okay.
But he is obviously not taking it well at all. He really reminds me of someone I once broke up with, he went the same way and became very nasty. Again, ignore his threats that he will go home and kill himself. He is saying it to try and get a reaction from you. If you stay calm and don't react to his provocations, he will eventually realise that his threats to hurt himself are pointless. I doubt he will do anything to himself, he doesn't sound terribly unhappy or upset to me - just angry, and unwilling to let go.
Once again, I have to say that I think you handled things really well when you spoke to him online. You seemed firm but fair. I can understand you thinking it might be best to let him say what he has to say, so he can "get it out of his system". But remember, you do not have to put up with being spoken to like that. If it doesn't bother you too much, that's fair enough, but it can't be pleasant when he calls you names and stuff. You always have the right to say, "Okay, well I appreciate what you are saying, and thank you for your opinion. But I would rather not be spoken to like this, so as long as you as saying those things I would rather have no contact with you." And then just end the conversation.
Please keep believing what we both said - you have done nothing wrong. Yes, you broke up with him, and I guess he is not happy about that. But you are not the first person in the world to break up with someone! It happens all the time, and people deal with it! He is really being overly dramatic about this, and is trying to make you feel bad. I think I once broke someone's heart when I was younger. I felt bad about it, and he was angry at first. But I knew it was the right thing to do. I wasn't happy with him and couldn't appreciate him for who he was. I knew it was better to let him go. As far as I am aware, he is now in a long-term relationship and is doing well. He is happy. No long-term effects from our break-up! He is over it! It honestly happens all the time, and there is no need for it to be such a massive deal like this.
I have also had my heart broken myself once, and it took me a long time to get over it. But I did, and I certainly didn't threaten or verbally abuse the other person. It happened, I accepted it, and went away to lick my wounds and start healing. Am I a bad person for breaking up with that first guy? I don't think so, because he is now better off. He is happier with someone else. The guy who broke my heart, is he a bad person? No, I don't think so. It just didn't work out.
So you are truly NOT a bad person, no matter what this guy may say. Keep believing that. As for it being an obsession...I think it is too early to tell. He may just be having a knee-jerk negative reaction to the break up, and he may calm down with time. Or he may not, and it could become an obsession. It is too soon to tell I think. But try not to worry too much about that. Stay strong, keep doing what you're doing, and see how things go. If it gets any worse...well, we are all here, and like I said before, don't be afraid to tell people what is happening if it gets a bit creepy or scary. Good luck! x
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reader, missdimples3 +, writes (27 July 2010):
missdimples3 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Omg... you guys wont believe this... oh first i truely thank you guys you gave me all the courage I needed. especially that all my friends were going through their own thing n no one was there when I needed an advice or someone to talk too. its way too stressful over here. but anyways! right when I got to my room I wrote this on my fb status "yes I'm that horrible girl who broke Brandon's heart n broke up with him! Please don't comment or ask what happened. nor like this or dislike it. I just want to be left alone. I don't want your sympathy or anything! JUST LEAVE ME be. I've got pushed over the edge n can't take it anymore! PERIOD."I've made up my mind the more you are going to try the worst I'm going to feel. so please make this easy for both of us and leave me alone!"
and I locked my door and went to sleep! I guess some how he got the hint. I woke up around 2am he was online.. he said please talk to me I will leave you alone if you answer some of my questions... I said ok! he asked if he was a bad guy, just stupid questions. I said you are not a bad guy. I'm just not happy with you... and whats the point of being with someone who's i'm clearly not happy with.. I said you're get jealous of everything n everyone, you don't listen when I talk, you don't understand a thing I say, you wont let me see my friends or say I am not stopping you yet when i try to go see them you say oOo you choose your friends over me, you wont let me dance, you wont let me have guy friends, not even the married ones that I know their wives as well!!! oOo and everytime I have a good day you ruin it for me. seriously why would I be with you! he said you broke my heart I knew you were a heart breaker you're heartless... and karma is a bitch and the next guy you date will break your heart so bad and thats when you're going to have the last thought of me! :(
I said ok goodbye now. then he tells me wait wait but I love you! I'm like omgosh...! seriously! then he said did you ever like CJ.. I might be wrong for telling him the truth but I couldn't lie to him... plus I didn't do anything wrong. like Samantha said!
I said he's a very good friend he's always there when I needed to vent or cry cuz of things you would do. I said he never disrespected me or you in anyway possible! and he doesn't even know that I like him!
he flipped the hell out.. he said I knew you it. I said at least I am being honest with you.. and I've done nothing wrong.. he said thats cheating I said no it ain't he said Bella from "twilight" is a hoe and she's no different from you :(!!! I said how does being honest n telling you right now make me a hoe?! he called me names n shit. I didn't say anything to him.. I just let him take it all out. if it means after he's done talking I would never have to deal with him then I think I can sit there n have him take it out on me you know!! but yeah he said everything he had to say n he said he would do anything for me... if I come back to him.. I said this really wont work. just let it go and keep your dignity with you! he said he's going home by that means he's going to try to kill him self so they can send him home. I said shit even females can take a break up better than this!!
he for sure got issues but do you think its more of an obsession then anything else? lol idk..
I really don't want to sound cocky or anything but so you have a better picture of this.. I'm like really pretty n almost all the guys on base hits on me n wants a piece of me. so he just didn't know how the hell to deal with it i guess!!
and yes I told cj about him n how he's acting and he's doing pretty good job at protecting me :)! I also told cj that I need to be single for a while cuz I am so not ready for anything right now.. he said no matter what it takes he will be there.
thanks for listening guys... ya'll rock 3
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 July 2010):
Thank God you dumped him. He clearly has a lot of issues. Samantha pretty much summed it up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Gosh, if your ex is saying things like that I think you have definitely done the right thing by ending the relationship! That must be really scary, when he says things like "I'll kill myself if you don't come back to me." I have known people like that, and it is basically emotional blackmail. Is that what he really wants? For you to go back to him and be unhappy? I don't think he is thinking clearly at the moment, so try not to take what he says too seriously.
Bear in mind though that even if he DID do something, it is NOT your fault or responsibility. There is no law or unwritten contract stating that once we start dating someone we have to stay in the relationship forever, even if we are unhappy! I think you are doing the right thing in the long run. When someone was once saying things like that to me, I said something like, "I'm sorry you're feeling that way, but I can't help with that. If you are feeling that bad, maybe you should seek professional help." And I left it like that.
With him saying he will never stop trying, again he might just be saying those things for a dramatic effect. I think it is to be expected that he might keep calling, texting, and trying to speak to you for a while. I think that is a typical reaction to a break up. But if you start to feel scared, or like he is taking it too far, or if he ever becomes threatening, don't be afraid to tell someone. Just so someone will know what is going on, and will be able to keep an eye out for you.
This is always the hard part, when you have just split up with someone! But like I said, you are not responsible for his happiness, and if he truly cares about you he would want you to be happy too. Only we can make ourselves happy, so you need to focus on doing what makes YOU happy. x
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reader, missdimples3 +, writes (25 July 2010):
missdimples3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I totally agree with you Juliet.. and thanks Samantha.
my now ex. is taken it really BAD. he said he's going to kill him self if i don't go back with him. I said I've made up my mind. he said he's never going to stop trying then!! my God what have I got myself into right? lol.
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reader, Juliet714 +, writes (25 July 2010):
Yes end it with ur bf it's only been 3 month
he won't be that heart broking if not there will
been 3 ppl unhappy :( . That way he can also move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I think you have handled this in a really sensitive way, and I don't think what you have done is "wrong". It is always really difficult at first, and since this must have come as an unpleasant shock to your now ex, you must be feeling bad and wondering if you have done the right thing or not. I think it will get better with time though, and like you said, your feelings for this other guy were growing. So I think you acted in an honest way. I know it doesn't feel nice right now, but things will calm down eventually. Just take your time through this. x
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reader, missdimples3 +, writes (24 July 2010):
missdimples3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso i break up with my boyfriend, and told cj how I feel. he feels the same way about me!! my bf is so not taking it well thou! ;( i could bear to tell him I'm leaving him for another guy. and I don't think what I did is wrong. cuz I didn't tell cj that i liked him till i broke up with my bf. cj said he would of never tell that I liked him. he said i was way too hard to read. I refuse to cheat and lie but it would of broke his heart 10 times worse if he knew I was leaving him for someone else. I also told cj we can't even date yet. I said for now I just need you to be you my friend. and he agreed to not make me feel awkward or uncomfortable. you guys don't think what I did was wrong? I really couldn't control my feelings. the harder i tried to stop my feelings for cj the deeper it grew. thank you guys for the advice.
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reader, missdimples3 +, writes (24 July 2010):
missdimples3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much guys!! I feel like I'm in a twilight movie at times. lol I will def. put an update as soon as anything happens! again I appreciate the advice but its harder then it sounds.
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reader, trustyourheart +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Your boyfrind is happy, but are you? Even though your beyfriend loves you, you say this other guy makes you happy and feel great just as you friend. If he makes you feel that way, explain to your bf that you love him, but you also love someone else, who makes you happy.
Hope I helped :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): I know you don't want to hurt your boyfriend, but I think he will be more hurt in the long run if you stay with him. It sounds like you are staying with him because you feel you ought to. I guess because he is so nice to you, you feel like you should stay. But the reality is, no matter how nice someone is to us, if the feelings are not there in return, then they just aren't. If you stay with him, you will most likely start to feel unhappy, and that could cause problems in the relationship anyway.
So as difficult as it may be, I think it may be best to end the relationship now and let him come to terms with it and move on. He might be hurt, but I think it would be more hurtful for him if he knew you were with him and not truly happy.
But what I will say is, if you do end the relationship with your boyfriend, just try and be respectful of his feelings. So if you became involved with the other guy, try and be discreet about it, maybe keep it low-key for a while. It might be upsetting for your boyfriend if he was to see you with somebody else straight away after the break up. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. x
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 July 2010):
Realistically, if you've been together for just 3 months and there is already another guy, then there is no chance for you. I'm not sure you love either of these two guys. You seem to be a little too confused to be dating right about now. Please end it with the guy. Yes, he's in Iraq, but it's best to get it done now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): You should break up with you b/f you maybe shouldn't tell him the exact reason but you should do it now before 3 months becomes a year... I was in this situation once and now im with the man i fell for, hes a wonderful man and i love him very much. Love is a two way street baby ditch your man respectfully and then give it some time.. If you still feel the same about this other guy then go for it.
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