A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently got out of a six year relationship, this guy was the first only person ive ever slept with. Im a single mom of two, now and am trying to move on. I am old fashioned, had my ex been a better man I would've been happy having only 1 sex partner my entire life. Now that its over the highest number of sex partners i ever want is 2. BUT with society the way it is sex is expected. When I tell a guy that im not ready for sex they become impatient and eventually we stop seeing eachother. I dont want to compromise my values, but it SEEMS like nobody else on the planet understands them. No matter how great we are getting along eventually the sex issue comes up. I just dont want to make the same mistake i did the first time... Am I being TOO cautious?... A lot of people say I should be looking for church-going men, but my beliefs are quite different from the average church-goer, and I know that would cause bigger problems down the line.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): I know a guy who literally won't have sex with any woman for months even if she offers. He just can handle it any sooner than that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help. I was never actually contemplating compromising my values... I just think I needed reassurance that I wasnt the only person in the universe that doesnt give it up to every guy who smiles at me. My friends and I have different value systems so I felt alone on this one because they dont understand and they are my support system. :) Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (16 June 2009):
 I'm not religious, (At least not anymore), and I would have no problem waiting for sex if I were dating you. Oldersister is right. The guys who left you becuase they didn't get what they want, would have ended up leaving you anyway after they got what they wanted.
Hold your head up, and don't back down. You'll find the right guy. Just think when you finally meet your husband how proud he will be knowing he's only your second. Think of how great he will feel living his life without having to relive all of the one-night stands and short term flings that haunt so many husbands on a daily basis.
I would feel like I hit the jackpot getting to marry someone with a past as clean as yours.
Your future husband will respect you so much more knowing that you didn't just give it away to any guy that came your way.
Stay strong. The right man WILL come along, and he WILL wait for you.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 What society? A famous often quoted statistic is that 50% of people will have sex before 18. "Oh my GOD, I am 19 and didn't have sex yet, I am a freak!" or " I am a 12 year old virgin and everyone else is having sex before 18, I am a freak!"
What they forget is that 50% does NOT have sex before 18. Worse, statistics are always flawed. Who do you ask, and how. What counts as sex. Lots of childeren are sexually abused. Count forced sex and the stats will go up.
For that matter, you might have sex before 18 does that mean you had lots of sex (with different people) because of it?
Society, is not what the media makes it. Dutch news hasn't been able to get enough of the "news" that pretty women make men stupid. (Duh... oops sorry cute girl walked by). Sex sells and that goes for newspapers as well.
So don't let the media pressure you into believing you have to behave in a certain way.
Others understand your ideas. You just got accept one thing. Lets say that of a 100 men, 50 are only after sex and 50 are after true love forever and ever. How many of group A would be available and how many of group B?
Of course, the ones who want a long term stable relationship are far more likely to be in one (and stay true to their partner) then those simply after sex. You are hunting not so much a rare prey but a prey that tends to be already captured and domesticated.
You have set yourself a goal, the way to achieve a goal is stay focussed on it. sure you could start having sex early on but that would not achieve your goal. Worse, while you are having sex with the wrong man, the right one might pass you by.
Just live your own life, by your own values. You might never meet someone, or he/she/it might pass by this very evening. Keep your eyes open and be happy/content and don't settle. If he doesn't pass by soon, well, it is better to be lonely then miserable.
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 You should stick by your morals and values, if a man doesn't like them then that's his problem and he obviously wasn't the right one. When you meet someone who really likes you for you, he will respect your beliefs. Good luck x
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