A
female
age
30-35,
*witex charm
writes:my question is..i have am in a relationship with this guy i have known for 3years.i truly love him.i have had a lot of failed relationships in the past and with him this might be our 4th time to try make it work.i have never slept with him before.i truly don`t want to for now until a get a ring on my finger.i know as soon as i sleep with him i wont feel secure of m relationship and i will start acting more clingy.so do you think he wont commite to me if i dont give him what every guy is getting these days?i really want my relationship to last.i dont want to feel bad about being realist that am not ready. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): thanks to all of all for your wise words.the guy hasnt pushed me into it yet.but am jst sensitive with how it is in college.the peers he assosiate with.we are both in the university thats why we aint rushng to wed.may be the only thing that makes us get back together that we dont breakup emotionaly.we still care nd remain close dispite break.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (13 March 2011):
"i know as soon as i sleep with him i wont feel secure of m relationship"
Well, that's strange. Because you are worried about a relationship and you know that having sex with him will make things worst. But, you can't have a relationship without sex. And it's the fourth time you try here.
You have to see a therapist in order to put you mind in place. And get to know yourself a little more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Why so many attempts to make this relationship work? What has been going wrong?If you don't feel secure then DO NOT feel pressured into having sex. You have to ask why this relationship doesn't work - it shouldn't be such hard work.It may be that this guy is just not the right person for you. What do you want from a relationship? Is it all about being married? Being married to ANYONE?He obviously feels something for you, you've been together 3 years. Tell him you don't want to have sex until you're married. His reaction will tell you what you need to do next. Keep him or let him go.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 You have known him for three years and this is your 4th time to make it work. You certainly have tried your best with him. And you truly love him. Lucky him.But what about you? I often feel that if a man is really sure about a woman, (that she is THE ONE) then he will introduce her to his family asap, that he will propose to her in the first year of the relationship. And will have married her within 12 to 24 months of that initial proposal. And that he will not have objections to choosing an engagement ring with her within one month of proposing. And that he will be in stable employment and capable of living independently with her from day one of the marriage.And he will be obviously respectful of her. Knowing he will spend the rest of his life with her, he has no need to push for sex, even where he feels great passion for her.It's a respect thing.If you are not ready, then you are not ready, therefore the answer for him is NO.Do not give in and compromise your standards. If he is serious about you and genuine in his feelings for you, then he will wait.If he is just sticking around until he can have sex with you, then your relationshipmay not be all you are hoping for.Don't think you have to rush this. So much can happen in 6 months, a year, even in 3 years and you are still young enough to meet a man who will give (and really genuinely mean) his commitment to you.Guys who push for sex, issue ultimatums, threaten to finish the relationship, if sex is not forthcoming, are not gentlemen.One of the things we girls should think about, but usually don't, is not just, 'what might he be like as a life partner?' the other question is, 'what sort of father would he be, long term, for children? Will he be patient, intelligent enough to help with homework, willing and energetic and resourceful enough to achieve things, not lazy, not slovenly, will he be unselfish, kind, caring and a good role model as a father?'When you think like that you immediately exclude guys who have various problems, or are lazy, unreliable, too demanding, poor role models as fathers.I think just wanting to connect with a guy because emotionally we feel so drawn to him is not always enough, when what we really want is a long stable committed relationship.The sort of exciting guy who stirs all our buttons still also has to have other qualities. We often overlook too much when our hormones kick in and we feel enormous emotion about a guy. Then we hardly see it coming when he walks out on the relationship because too much is expected of him, or he finds the long term commitment too hard for him to give. Or he is just plain too immatire to sustain a long term commitment.We assure ourselves of a long happy committed loving relationship when we think rationally and learn to be discerning about what we want. Guys who want the same as us think as strategically as this too. When you see people with a happy relationship without drama it is not an accident. It is because the couple have known what they want first, and have sought to find a person who has the makings of a good partner to match their needs.I think you have some serious thinking to do. Please do not give in emotionally to what he wants, if he has not proved his commitment to you. Keep rational and value your needs. What you want and need is very important
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (13 March 2011):
 if he wont commit because you wont have sex with him then he doesnt deserve you. end of story. dont worry about what ifs. if you dont want ot have sex til he commits then do that. dont change your ways
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Why did it not work the other 3 times? I don't think he will commit to you because he didn't the other 3 times.
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