A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm in a situation with a guy that I've known for my whole life (literally). We just saw each other for the first time in years, and we got into some pretty heavy physical stuff, but we didn't have sex. I'm a virgin, and he wants to sleep with me, but I'm not sure. I'm saving myself for marriage, but when I'm with him, I totally forget all of that and I just get lost in him. I really just don't know what to do. I don't think he's the type to push me aside if I don't sleep with him, and he's definitely not the kind of guy to pressure me into doing something I don't want to do. Should I have sex with him? Or should I wait and save myself for marriage? Ugh. I'm lost, but I kind of like it that way. I mean, he's a really good guy, and I have fun with him, and he makes me feel special. But I don't want to give him the wrong idea, then not go through with it. Really, I'm terrefied at the thought of having sex, but I want see what it's like at the same time. I just need someone to help me. Please? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): If he feels like he might be the "right one", then discuss with him how you feel about wanting to wait until you're bonded in marriage. I'm assuming by wanting to wait until you're married, you're either Christian or another type of faith. If this is so, then you'll have to decide if it's worth waiting, or having sex before hand. If it's because of how others such as your parents or someone else may view you or think of you, going by a belief system that you don't necessarily otherwise follow, then it's not worth waiting until marriage.. If you discuss with him that you'd like to wait but that you're eager to test the waters, he'll understand, if he's any decent person. He'll most likely have alot of respect for you in remaining pure..However, there's also the perspective that if he doesn't see a problem with having sex before marriage and you agree with it, it may work out that it's the right guy anyways, so is it really a sin if you both agree to considering yourselves to be one anyways in your lives, just like in marriage? If you want to take this route, you might want to wait until you're very sure you have a stable life together and you're very sure he's "the one". Why? Because if you split up later on, he might just not be "the one" even though you were so sure. I guess it depends on what your heart tells you about this person, too, and your perspective on old school traditions in religion and what is truely a sin or not. For example, my wife was a very traditional catholic and virgin, and I a Christian, but we were together for years before getting married because of our lack of money, so we decided to just have sex anyway, based on the fact that we were so sure about each other that neither one of us saw marriage as the only way to believe we were "one" with each other. We're still happily married and it didn't matter that we had sex before the actual "marriage" part began. The worst part about having sex before marriage is the possibility of others judging you if they find out, especially if you have a baby out of wed-lock in the process. Don't worry about judgement though, because people can preach, but that's the same reason half the hypocrites out there got married, is because they were knocked up and wanted to hide the fact that they had sex before hand, "adulterating, pfft".. The only two major words of advice I can hand you if you think you want to follow through with having sex ahead of time is.. One, you might want to wait quite awhile to make sure you're very sure he's the right guy if you're that set on staying pure for the right guy, and two, try not to get preggo in the process until you're married, unless that's not an issue for you. If it is, then take all precautions and never trust sperm around your privates. Three, haha, I know I said two things, but...most of all, don't just feel that if you don't have sex he'll think of leaving you. Don't feel you have to do it for that reason. Here's the scoop.. when you have so much love for the person that you feel you're neglecting them if you don't "make love" to them, and open yourself up completely to them in that way, then you should have sex with them, because they ARE the one, at that present time, whether written in stone or not. I hope you had the patience to read through my whole answer, as long-winded as it was, because if you can make sense of what I am saying, you won't feel trapped by marriage or tradition. On the other hand, if you feel so strongly about waiting until you're married, you might just make it if you can hold off a couple more years, since you're at the age where it soon can become a reality. If you're Christian, go with what Jesus would see as fitting, not religion, your parents or your peers. How would Jesus want you to love him? On the other hand, would you feel a loss of respect for yourself, or would you instead feel badly for making him wait possibly five or ten years more, until you can afford to get married? Another way of looking at it is if he wants to have sex with you, and you tell him you want to wait until you're married, maybe it will give him a kick in the ass that much sooner to get up the nerve to propose to you.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Please realize that having vaginal sex is a serious step, and the loss of your virginity is a momentous event, even if only you know it happened. It is especially true due to your age, and understand that I am no prudish person even though you would consider me old. I was also once young and quite active about your age, but it's all history now, and most early activity was wasteful.
There are a number of things you can do sexually without losing your virginity in the traditional sense. Consider providing hand jobs for the boyfriend, even oral both ways if you wish, and perhaps allowing manual stimulation from him as well. It is important and admirable that you say you want to save yourself for marriage - so, by all means, do so. You will be very glad you did.
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