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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,What is the most effective way to deal with people who are jealous of you and your achievements? What if some of them are your close relatives, like your parents or your brother? I have this issue and I don't want to lose contact but also don't want people to ruin my happiness because of their jealousy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): So sorry to hear this is happening to you, You should be able to depend on the people you love the most-to be happy and encourage you in all your accomplishments. It seems you have an overly competitive family who feel insecure about 'who they are' and it's causing resentment toward you, because you are successful. No fair and this is 'their problem, dear-not yours. Although I'm sure your family 'loves' you, they see in you, the attributes or achievements they desire for themselves. Emotionally secure people are seldom troubled by envy or jealousy. When others are happy/secure in themselves, they are satisfied with their own life-they seldom feel a loss over other people's success or happiness. Secure individuals are glad for another's recognition and achievements and this is what you should be expecting from your family-support and recognition.
Unfortuantely some people in life walk among us as perpetually emotionally needy...sucking the life out of those unfortunate enough to be drawn into their envy & resentment. I can understand your frustration. Expressing jealousy and envy tell the world how pathetically insecure they are. It's a dead give away.
What are the things that truly matter in life? Family, health, sense of meaning, purpose and fulfillment. This is what really matters. Unfortunately, however, much of their striving in life is focused on the material possessions of those around us. A healthy & sure sign of maturity is the ability to derive joy & pride from the achievements our children do for their own sake and not for the way they may make us look better.
All I can see that you could do, is to try to talk to your family. Let them know you love them but you feel their resentment. If you don't think you can talk to your family about this, perhaps try a positive approach. Maybe you can see and encourage them and point out to them, their own talents and achievements. But all in all, if they continue to 'drag you down with resentment' you may have to back off from visiting them for awhile. But I do feel you have the right to let them know how their competitiveness is affecting your relationship with them. Stay strong and hang in there.
Hugs,
Irish
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