A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Many people won't understand how I feel, but I have a surname that I have hated since I was a child, so much that it feels like a burden to me. I know there are much bigger problems, but it bothers me to have an ugly, generic name that I don't identify with. I hate how my full name sounds because it's such a common full name that it defeats the purpose of even having a name! I'm always getting confused with someone else of the same FULL name, and I wind up being a number. I wish and wish I had a different surname so I wouldn't get lost in the crowd.I found out that I had a Spanish ancestor and (many people may not understand my feelings, I know) it makes me feel extremely jealous because my ancestor had a Spanish surname. It just seems like such a shame that I have Spanish heritage, and got the waspiest surname in the world. Nothing wrong with being Anglo, I'm just proud to have Spanish heritage and it makes me feel jealous that my ancestor got a Spanish surname, and it annoys me to have a last name that implies I don't have Spanish heritage. I really love and identify with Latin culture and I speak almost perfect Spanish. I really want people to know I have Spanish descent, but I feel RIDICULOUS just telling them. It seems so tenuous. Anybody can SAY they have Spanish ancestry... My mom says, "Who cares what these other people think, as long as YOU know you have Spanish heritage" but I WANT people to know. Imagine that you own a beautiful piece of jewelry, but you are never allowed to wear it, and you have to keep it in a drawer. Would it make you feel any better to simply TELL people, "Oh well I may be wearing plastic jewelry, but I really DO own a diamond." See? It's not the same! It sounds ridiculous that I'm extrememly jealous of an ancestor who died years before I was even born, but I think, it's such a shame that I have such a beautiful surname in my family, and I got stuck with an ugly surname. I'll probably never get married, but I don't want to take my husband's surname, even if I love it. Above all, I hate having a common full name, and getting lost in the crowd all the time. To most people, this won't be a big deal, but I REALLY hate it. I want a name all my own. A name I can cherish. I don't want to go through life with a hideous surname.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): So change it, you just pay a fee and and stand before a judge. It only takes a few minutes.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 (Mod note: there was no particular reasoning that you should post consecutively on separate posts when you could have merged your comments together in one post.)I don't want to offend my family, but I resent that they didn't put thought into picking out a more unusual first name for me. Other people don't understand why it bothers me, but the full name is a burden because I've never had a sense of individuality, or identity because it's such a common full name. I would like to have a name all my own. People say that your name doesn't define who you are, but it's a big part of your identity. It's hard to cherish a name when your name is the reason you're always getting lost in the crowd. Taking my husband's surname: I feel like people need to have an identity of their own. I've never known what it was like to have my very own name. When you run into people with the same full name as you, it's impersonal.I don't want to take my husband's name because I don't want to share a name with someone. All my life, I've shared a name with many people and I never had a sense of individuality. Taking my husband's name would make me feel like an extension of him, and I want so badly to have a sense of individuality.Furhermore, anyone can get married, but I'm really proud to have latin ancestry, and it bothers me because no one believes me. There's nothing wrong with other nationalities, but I identify with latin culture more. It bothers me to have a surname that labels me an outsider in a culture that's practically half my life.Sure, I speak Spanish, but anyone can learn to do that.I live in North Carolina, the home of stupid and draconian laws. I've decided to change it legally, but I'm prepared for a big battle...Why wouldn't this be a legitimate post?I imagine many people won't understand what I feel, but it really is a drag to have to share a name with other people and feel like just another face in the crowd... most people get to be the one and only "so and so"...
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (24 May 2009):
Is this a legitimate post, or are you fishing for reactions?
There are established procedures for legally changing your name. These vary from state to state, and the administrivial details (things like who needs to be notified, the forms and fees you need to pay, etc) may be tedious, but the process isn't fundamentally difficult. Since the change isn't because of adoption or marriage you may have to provide some evidence that you aren't trying to deceive somebody or evade some obligation.
You should probably be prepared to answer, for the next 5 years or so, the question, "Why did you change your name?".
If you are serious about doing this you should probably be posting in a discussion forum for legal matters, not here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): Then change it. Don't expect people to feel sorry for you being "stuck" with this name when you are an adult and have control over what your legal name will be.
As someone with an extremely unusual last name that DOES reflect my ethnic heritage, I can tell you however that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. In all my life I have never had anyone but family members correctly spell or pronounce my name without assistance. Most of the time it doesn't matter to me, but it would have been nice if they didn't butcher my name at my college graduation or if even one yearbook at any grade level had managed to spell it right. Legal documents, etc. have been sent to me on multiple occasions with a wrongly spelled surname, making it MY problem to go track down new copies. And so on.
I love my name and will never change it, but do realize that if you make your new name something unusual you may be causing yourself extra problems and hassle down the road. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): you can easily change your name if you want. what i dont understand is... if you hate your name so much, why would take your husbands name if you got married, that would solve the problem, you may even meet a guy with a spanish surname. its tradition to take the mans surname so why would you break it when it would leave you unhappy. that confused me a lot
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): than change it sweetheart, take on your ancestor name, or whatever name you choose, there's nothing wrong with that and its perfectly legal, you should be happy with your name!
but seriously, didn't you ask this question on here before? I remember this question and the way it was pharse, i'm sorry you're going through this but you're probaly not gonna get much of any different answers than you did the last time you asked, if you want a new name, than do something about!
stop looking for others to co-sign your feelings!
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A
female
reader, arie +, writes (23 May 2009):
 ok first of all ignore the previous poster because i think that she was harsh. and if you dont like your name then mabe u should change it. but me personally i my opinion is that god gave you the name he wanted you to have, im sure he blessed you with a beautiful name. its an amazing thing that you have spanish ancestry and if you want people to know, just tell them yourself because u have the name that god wanted you to have. you can still be proud that u have spansih ancestry even if you dont share the same name ok. you have to think from the outside, and there is someone else who hates their name who would give anything to have yours ok so start being more thankful for the one you have. im sure ur name is beautiful and if you dont like it, there is always going to be someone else who will. i hope u liked my advice and godbless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): So change it. I changed mine to my Mom's maiden name because she was the one who raised me. I had my Dad's last name my whole life and it was easy to change it to my Mom's. I just went to the court and had it changed.
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