A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting kind of bored with my bf of more than four years. We really don't have anything in common and it's so hard for me to find something to say to him or have a conversation with him. So I keep to myself and it's making me resent him a little. He doesn't take interest in what *I* like to do or ask me about my day or do any of the things I like. Mostly because he is lazy. So, to compensate, I do what HE likes. Which, mostly, is playing video games. I go to all the launches with him, go to concerts, conventions, play games with him and his friends, etc.So basically, it's the only thing that ties us together because I put effort into it. If I ask to do anything that I like or enjoy, he will immediately reject the idea. Which leads me to believe he just lacks personality altogether. Any talks about how my day went or something new and cool that I found or a place I want to visit falls on deaf ears. All he has to say is "cool." I never thought he was one dimensional before, he used to put in a lot of effort into having fun with me but now it's really all about the video games. sure, they're nice. But I'm not much of a "gamer" - I play games maybe once every week or finish one in a couple of days if I really enjoy it. We either watch TV (again what HE wants to watch) or we play games. There is nothing else to do and I don't even bother asking anymore.Therefore, as an escape, I start seeking attention from other people. I have nobody to really talk to so I talk to female friends and guy friends...and that's how I get in trouble because the guys think I like them but I'm really just in need of conversation that I cant have with my bf. This is why we broke up before, I felt neglected. But it was painful during the breakup, I don't want to go through this again :(What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jules22  +, writes (26 April 2014):
 Okay. I know going through a break up is very difficult, but it might make you happier in the long run. You shouldn't stay with someone who isn't interested and isn't making you happy because you are scared it will hurt.
You really need to talk to your boyfriend. When I was with my boyfriend of 3 years I started having doubts about his commitment. So put myself in a morbid win win situation. I broke it off with him. Either he would panic about what he had lost and realise what he had done wrong and put in some more effort, or he wouldn't and breaking up with him was the right thing to do. I think you might benifit from putting yourself in that morbid win win situation. He may not even realise how you are feeling and threatening a break up might shake him into gear to try and save it. If he doesn't try and save it then you havnt lost anything.
And try not to worry about the break. Yep, they really effing hurt. But focus on trying to be the most happy you can, rather than preventing pain. Sometimes you need to take a few steps back before you can go forward.
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