A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My newish girlfriend has told me today she is revolted by penises because they are dirty and unsightly. We are yet to embark on the sexual side of the relationships and i am rather self-conscious about my genitals anyway and this has actually quite upset me. I don't want to get naked in front of her now- it was hard enough before she said that. She has parts of her body she is self-conscious about and i only tell her nice things about them - i wouldn't dream of insulting her or increasing her insecurities. I feel rubbish about myself :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): She doesn't sound ready to get sexual yet anyway...she sounds very in experienced and uncomfortable with sex, in fact.
Take it from someone with experience and understanding of the male body: Penises (penisi?)? They rock. Cut or uncut, big or small...they're a great part of the male body. Not the best part...but pretty cool.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): Ah honeypie, I'm sorry she hurt you, but for some women it's the truth.. I mean, you guys got this long pole that just seems stuck on, and it looks like a mushroom and then there are these strange balls hanging down beneath. Our bodies are different, we just have a little gap, and everything is tucked underneath. Very neat. Brings me back to the old joke that says "God made Adam as a first draft, realised he got it wrong, and made Eve the superior model and got it right that time..." Funny, probably not in your eyes.
She is rude, insecure and immature. You have identified that and you are totally right. There is nothing wrong with your body, that's how it was made, it's beautiful and a penis is what makes you a man. She is young and rude. Don't let her steal your confidence, the problem is all hers, and she feels like this about ALL men, not just you. She'll grow up when she has children. A little boys penis is delightful to his mother (and father) and there is nothing disgusting or dirty about them. Remember that this is her issue, nothing to do with you. I'm actually one of them women who think penis are beautiful and fun, because of the fact that they are not hidden away and stand up and go down, they are so much fun to play with. I can understand your feelings, but you are buying into her insecurity problems, and will end up as sick and self conscious as she is. Don't let her steal your masculinity, you are beautiful just the way you are. If she hates men's parts, tell her to go and become a lesbian and sleep with women if she hates penis's so much...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): Do not make plans to advance to sex very soon! I foresee very challenging times ahead, to say the least. Being that you are quite insecure yourself such an uncaring attitude will only drag you down. This is the most probable hypothesis given the circumstances. I am sorry to say that I can see a war arrive! Internal conflicts in each of you and struggles between yourselves.I would be curious to know how she drew such conclusions that penises are dirty and unsightly. In fact, she must seek to understand this herself in order to thwart the undesirable effects in her sex life of such negative thinking. Reasons can vary. Most common are that she has been taught, by parents perhaps, to think that sex is dirty and she associates nakedness with unpurity and such. Have you asked her? Is she otherwise affectionate? I presume not. Such problems usually don't come alone and can become relationship wreckers on a recurring basis when there is no will to correct them. She may not even realise she has a problem. It is also obvious that she has a similar view of her own body. This issue will not be easy to extinguish in order to conquer a positive frame of mind that can enable you to enjoy a relationship in its plenitude, also sexually. Given that you are so insecure, therefore weak, this relationship can destroy you. She also plays for high stakes here (if she forces herself to do what she is uncomfortable with, etc.) I can only recommend that you two work on yourselves instead of venturing into a relationship that neither of you is ready for. Is (individual) counselling an option for you? Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, SallySoMe  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 I am so sorry to hear that. It was a terribly insensitive thing for her to say & her not taking cognisance of your feelings at all is totally inexcusable.
She doesnt sound like much fun with that narrow-minded by gone attitude & be mindful that this may well be the sign of how your relationship will pan out.
Continue to be the gentleman that you are & gently point out to her that people in the majority do not hold that opinion at all. She needs to be mature enough to examine what gave rise to her belief & be able to address it otherwise she will not be able to have a fulfilling sex life going forward - with you or any other guy.
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