A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a wonderful relationship for little over a year now. He is all I ever wanted from I guy and I know he is the kind of guy that is difficult to come across. We have a lot of fun together, great communication and have been living together for about 8 months.He proposed, I said yes and weeding plans begun.However, I was married before and divorced in 2004. My ex is married but still calls occasionally and still shows affection and wants me to go out with him. I left that relationship because he is an alcoholic, as am I. But I stopped drinking about a year and a half ago.The problem is I believe that we (my ex and I) have a very strong spiritual connection that still lingers. I still feel a chemistry with him. And although I know if we were to be together again it would not work (alcohol and bad communication skills) and I probably would relapse, theres a doubt in my mind about getting married.I don't know if it is that I want to start drinking again, which I probably would with my ex; or, if I feel responsible for ending my previous marriage and believe thus this one will not work either; or if it is just that even if my current partner is the "perfect" guy for me, I just don't want to get married or have that serious of a relationship with anyone, ever? Any help welcomed!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Relationships can be cumbersome at times both present and past. I really think you should tell your partner how you feel and let him now exactly how you feel. Perhaps, he has a similar problem or one of his own that he needs help with. It will help build you spiritually and help you find out exactly what you want.
As for the ex, you really need to question why you left him. Did you leave him only because he was an alcoholic or because of some aother reason? Spiritual connections are hard to find but you have to realize that spiritual is not sexual so if you are having an attraction to your ex then you really need to rethink this wedding. What are you going to do in five years or so when your ex shows up out of nowhere and ask you to get together. Either cut him out or embrass it. You left that relationship for a reason.. to find another love, someone to depend on OR both. Why are you with your current partner? Question that.. and then question what you want to marry for.
Just based on one simple thing... you stated, "I don't want to get married to anyone ever"... that should speak volumes. It tells me that you really don't want to so why set yourself up for pain? Rethink your relationship but remember not to feel guilty about wanting what is best for you. Remember, YOU know what is best for YOU. Just be sure to follow your own advice.
A
male
reader, Asexy  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 If you're getting married only to close off any chance of being with you ex, I say you should postpone the wedding. Make sure of your reasons first.
If you truly love your current partner, and want to marry him because he's the right one for you, then continue with your wedding plans. If you're not 100% in love with/committed to your fiancee, then slow down the wedding plans. It's not fair to him.
This doesn't mean that you can't/shouldn't marry him. I think you will eventually get over your ex and be happy with your current beau. But slow things down until you're sure.
Good luck hon.
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