A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Well, you've probably never heard this one before. My husband and I live next door to his mother. She's a lovely person but has the habit of being taken advantage of by her children, grandchildren, etc.. For years, like 21, I've had to remind him to visit or call her on holidays, birthdays or just because. Keep in mind, SHE LIVES NEXT DOOR. It never fails, he always tells me he forgot even after I've given several reminders. What gives? This is the woman that brought you into the world, show her a little respect! But I guess I shouldn't be surprised as my requests also fall on deaf ears. I can't count the number of times I've asked him to show more affection giving him verbal and physical queues, only to be disappointed again and again. We have even gone to a marital counselor. No change. He'll tell me he's sorry and he needs to pay more attention but never makes the attempt. He's absent in every aspect of our lives together including our children. Just the other day a payment was due on a class trip for our son, when I mentioned it to him he blew a gasket. After he spent his time ranting and raving, he dropped a check in front of me of which I told him to stop treating me this way and to promptly stuff it up his ass. Then 2 days later a package arrives for him, guitar stands and supplies. He noticed the look on my face and proceeded to say how it wasn't expensive. What? It's ok for you to spend money but for the rest of us it isn't? Keep in mind I also work full time, contributing all my funds to the household. Anytime we try to spend time together as a family he looks miserable. The kids have commented that his "happy face" looks just like his "constipated face". If I were an outsider looking in, I would definitely say the man isn't happy. I talk with him about this and all he says is I am happy. I feel like I'm only good for a paycheck and sex. I don't want to spend the rest of my life this way? I can't get through to the man? I'm thinking he's one of these guys that'll never get it and I need to go my own way. Anyone have any suggestions? I don't want to flush 21 years of marriage but if it's not going to change, I don't think I have a choice. Please help. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): I think he needs to pull his head out of his rear and realize what's truly important in life and that's family. The only way to get him to do that may be to leave him.And perhaps he's not happy. Maybe he suffers from depression and needs some treatment. Have you looked into that? That could be something that a marriage counselor didn't address.My aunt was married to a man like that for over forty years. Often, he wouldn't even speak to her when he came home from work. To everyone's shock, she left him one day. He suddenly became more attentive, would come to her apartment with any excuse he could think of and try to fix things for her. It was a liberating time for her. Good luck! I hope you find a resolution.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 July 2014):
 It does sound like a very difficult situation.
I have to ask, why can't you just write the check for the class trip?
If it were flushing 21 years of awesome marriage and great harmony and perfect understanding, that would be one kind of flushing.
If you have been emotionally neglected and in some sort of marriage where you have zero say and zero control of the family funds and are emotionally neglected and then that's another type of 21 years of marriage.
You sound like you know what you need to do. What's keeping you from doing it? The lack of access to the bank account?
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