A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm just looking for opinions here, but be kind, please.I'm in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. We've been together for over 3 years now. We love each other. But, we're at very different places in our life simply because of our ages. We met in university in Canada, and I plan to stay on here, but he may have to go back to where his parents live (in the Middle East; we're not from the Middle East, that's just where his family lives), for no reason other than that his family may need him to come back, which is very, very valid and I realize it would be unreasonable for me to ask him to stay on here just for me. And while we are from the same country, I am very satisfied with my life here in Canada and do not wish to leave, especially since where we come from women face so many barriers career-wise and in many other ways. Also, he cannot give me a commitment that he will marry me someday for sure, because of a number of factors and I don't want to pressure him into it. The difference between our ages is not too much - I'm 26 and he's 22. It's also unreasonble for me to expect him to make all these decisions right now, when he's still in university. But even if he can only give me an answer in another 4 years, if it's a 'No', I don't want to be left hanging, you know what I mean? I also don't want to feel like I spent so many years of my life with him and it amounted to nothing. Right now we've talked about breaking up sometime next year. Like a mutual break-up, because he realizes that it's not exactly fair to me either to have me wait and wait for maybe nothing.I really hope you all here can understand the dilemma. Any advice or opinions? I'd really appreciate a different perspective on this.Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): I understand exactly what you're going through because I too am going through this dilemma. Except in my case, my boyfriend of four years (I'm 25) doesn't see how he's being unfair to me and he doesn't want to let me go which makes it so much harder:( We're the same age so it's not so much an age difference but our different outlooks on life and how I see myself marrying him and raising a family but he can't see himself making any huge commmitment because he doesn't really have himself together right now. So I too ask, how long am I supposed to wait around and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. My advice to you is to take him up on the offer of the mutual break-up. It really is the best thing to do. It's not fair to you to be strung along for "another 4 years" until he supposedly figures himself out. And then it's not fair to him to make such life changing decisions at what I believe to be such a young age when clearly he's just learning to gain independence. It'll be best for the both of you. In the time you would have taken to probably waste your time waiting for him, you could find you a loving man that shares your outlook on life. Good luck sweety and I hope it all works out for you.
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