A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this boy for over a month, we're not official but we have agreed to not see anyone else. I think I might be the first girl he has ever been with which is fine but I am the one putting in all the effort. I am always the one to message him first or to ask to meet and we've never been on a date. I'm worried that I'm more interested in him than he is in me which makes me sad because I really really like him. I don't know what to do because I don't want it to end and I feel like talking about it to him could cause something bad, I also don't want to seem like a psycho. I think I have been really chill with him as he has cancelled on me before last minute and I didn't get angry at all. I've tried to be the best I can be but there is only so much I can do. What do you think I should do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 May 2018):
 So what's the worst that can happen if you broach the subject with your "boyfriend" (I use that word lightly, as there doesn't sound to actually be a relationship)?
The worst (in your view) that can happen is that he finishes this non-relationship and you will then be unhappy for a while. But are you actually happy NOW? You don't sound happy. You sound like you are treading on eggshells around him so as not to rock the boat.
Is having a boyfriend so important to you that you are prepared to make yourself unhappy just so you can say you have a boyfriend? Do you think that sounds reasonable?
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 May 2018):
 I think you’re wasting your time to be honest.
If he wanted to see you and meet you he would be putting the effort in to make arrangements. Take note of people’s actions, ignore what they say as absolutely anything can come out of somebody’s mouth, it’s how they treat you that’s the important thing.
You’re only young so you’ve got all this to learn. Youngsters don’t usually stay in relationships long as they’re immature and have childish mindsets as of course you’re both still technically children. Don’t beat yourself up over it, you’ll get involved with lots of people before you find the right one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2018): I think you should also pull back from texting him first all the time etc. You kinda gotta see if HE makes the effort for a change. As childish as it seems, it’s the only way to see if he’s bothered enough to text you. That’s the reality.
Since you’re the one always starting the convo, seems to me like you guys don’t really talk when you don’t see each other in person? Which is a bit odd.. usually I would assume that a new couple would be texting each other endlessly and all.
Like honeypie said, you need to take note whether he’s busy due to school commitments and not not hanging out with you just cuz he doesn’t want to. Though at 17, I had a bf that actually made a lot of effort to see me and talk to me at all times!
To be honest, I feel like you should talk to him about it. It’s the only way to find out exactly what’s going on
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2018): In reading your post it comes across that you're doing all the work; because you like him too much.
If you're the first girl he has ever connected with, that means he doesn't have a clue what he's supposed to do. You can't be exclusive with a guy who doesn't contact you voluntarily, and seems oblivious to what having a girlfriend requires him to do.
He's too young and inexperienced for a relationship; just liking someone a lot doesn't make them ready for a relationship. It's unofficial, because he's still trying to figure-out how to handle his feelings. He may not have the money to take you on a date if he doesn't have a job. Maybe he has to figure that out too.
I think you need to ease-up on this relationship stuff until both of you are a little more mature. You're being a little too pushy with a boy who's still trying to figure things out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 May 2018):
 I forgot to add, OP
There isn't much point in dating or being "exclusive" with someone if you don't spend time in person and don't spend time talk (over the phone, Skype, Facetime or just simple texts).
So you have to LEARN how to find your OWN personal standard for HOW you wish to be treated by a BF while in a relationship. Do you just want to be able to say "I have a BF!" or do you want more out of "dating" someone?
How often do you two actually see each other?
Is sex involved?
You know the saying - "you can't clap with one hand" which can translate into this "relationship" with a you can't have a "healthy relationship" with someone who doesn't put in an effort, you can't "make" a relationship work by doing ALL the work. It should be 100%/100% investment and work to make it work... not a 100%/0.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2018):
Have you tried to pull back a little with the contact?
Stop being the first to message him, stop answering him ASAP as you get a reply.
Let's say he takes 15 minutes to answer. Then YOU take another 15 to reply.
I know it might sound like "playing games" but think of it as putting as much (or little ) effort in as he is.
And at some point if this doesn't work, you will HAVE to talk to him about it. Things might not change and than what?
I see nothing wrong in telling him, I would really like to spend more time in person with you and I would like for you to want to talk (aka message) me as much as I like to talk to you.
That leaves it rather open ended (as in HE can either step up or not) and if he does step up - good! And if he doesn't you might want to reconsider dating this guy, as he obviously doesn't have he maturity, time or real interest in dating you.
Cancelling on you last minute is not a good sign. It means something else came up he RATHER do than see you. Or something that was more important. But he didn't "reschedule" the hang out" did he? So maybe he just doesn't have the time to be dating?
If you are both in High School (or the British equivalent) you are both at the end of the school year (or getting close) So could he be real busy with upcoming exams? Sports? Etc?
If he is, take a note from that and focus on your schoolwork an grades too!
Chin up. Many guys at 17 have no clue what dating a girl is really all about.
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