A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey i really need some advice. i've been seeing this guy for about a year now were not in a relationship but he wants us to be but sex is stopping me from agreeing to give it a go. im not a virgin but dis guy is the only one i've been with, but here's my problem we've had sex 4 times but each time was wen we were both drunk, im just way 2 nervous wen it comes 2 sex the whole idea scares me n leaves me feeling really nervous. i cant stress enough that he never pressured me but anything sexual im just not that comfortable with, as a young teen kissing was as far as i ever went but with the guy im with we've done fore play aswel as sex but only wen we were both drunk i couldn imagine doing either wen im sober, he's completely comfortable wit sex as he's been wit alot of girls and also been in long term relationships but i just cant relax and any time we did more than kissing i just didint enjoy it because i was tinking 2 much into it and was so nervous. more than anything i would love to give this relationship a go as he says sex doesnt matter 2 him dat loving me is enough but im just so afraid because i tink sex IS impotant and more than anthing i dont want to disappiont him by not being enough in bed. any advice wud be such a great help thank you!! x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): Okay, let me talk from experience, I am fifty and been through lots of boyfriends and a husband.
At your age I was terrified too and you know why because most men do not think of female pleasure and females are afraid to ask man what gives them pleasure. In normal relationships man should first please the girl and then think of himself. In 98% of cases this does not occur making a girl go on a guilt complex or sense of uneasiness. This has been illustrated in the Hyatt report, in the Cosmopolitan report and other surveys done on female sexuality. The problem girls have is that they feel ashamed to let go. Now I say if a man can let go why can't a girl let go, given the fact that if a girl lets go there comes more pleasure to both. So tell him what you want and what pleases you and you are mid way to solving your problem. Then comes the hardest part to try and let go without alcohol, just imagine you are someone else, use fantasy in the place of alcohol...let your brain wonder while you are having sex. Hope this helps. Not for nothing there are so many sex consultants out there. Half of couples break up because of sexual problems either from one side or the other. Please do not be one of those. Use reason and then let your feelings and sexual pleasure please both of you.
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