A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles, I met an amazing man on an online dating site, who coincidentally works in my office (we are both academics, same school, different departments). We had a coffee date last week and it was the best date ever! We had so much to talk about - it went on well after we had finished our coffees. I liked him a lot but I'm not sure if it was mutual.When we said goodbye, he said to me "let's have coffee or something again soon." I wanted to let him know I was interested so sent him a short message later that afternoon saying it had been lovely to meet him and that I enjoyed our chat. He responded straight away saying he did too and if I wanted him to show me a computer program he'd told me about I should let him know. (!?) I said I would like that but only got a short, jokey response.So, my female friends say that "coffee or a computer program" is a brush off and that he's making polite excuses to keep our relationship professional. My male friends say that if I man isn't attracted to a woman he will not create a reason to see her again. This was a week ago and I haven't heard from him. I don't want to chase but I really liked this guy. What do I do!!!??? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2015): he probably wants reciprocation with you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): I disagree with your girlfriends and agree with your guy friends. If he wasn't interested he would not have brought up the computer program. And give you a reason to get in touch or for the two of you to get together again. Because I spent so much time in college (it took me six years to get my bachelor's lol) and got to know some of my professors between classes, would often grab coffee with them. And my aunt and uncle and cousin are in academia as well (they are all professors). And they are in the academic circle so I have met other professors at party's and gatherings. So I have come to familiarize myself with the whole academic social dynamic. They can be pretty shy. And while usually brilliant in their field of study, when it comes to dating, they often don't pick up on cues as easily as other types of guys do. My aunt (the professor) admitted to me that when she met my uncle (also a professor) she was pushy. She wanted him and she put in work to get him. It is not because my uncle didn't like her or he was out being a "player." He was an ivy leaguer getting his phd in bio chemical engineering. So he spent most of his free time with his face buried in books or inventing stuff lol. If I were you I would not write him off or even assume the worst. I think the most likely scenario here is that he probably does like you but either assumes you don't like him and/or doesn't know how to make the first move. If I were you I would shoot him a text and ask him when would be a good time to catch up so he can show you that computer program. I don't think you have anything to worry about. This could be great. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2015): I too think sometimes men play cool to not come across as desperate. I'd say after a full week invite him for another coffee and see how that goes. It isn't promising though that he has not even sent a quick hi hope you're well message.
Hope it works out
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 February 2015):
 A week with nothing? I'm sorry to say, that doesn't sound like a guy who is interested.
To me the mentioning of the computer program seems like small talk, even it it came off as an open-ended invitation.
You COULD always ask him for another cup of coffee - if he bites then maybe he isn't uninterested, if he makes an excuse and doesn't make a rain-check you know for sure he is not interested.
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