A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm 24 years old and I still care about this guy I loved since Iwas 17. There was always a mmisunderstanding with the two of us to where we never got back together. But at times he would say he wanted to be alone and then when I'm in a situation he wants toget back together. I didn't think it was fair. I told him all I wanted was him but I had to reject his advances BC I was in a situation. He cried and i always wonder if it was bc he was hurt. Basicly I ruin my relationship trying to get him back. Come to find out he's now in a situation. And it seems as though he loves this girl. At first it was killing me. I felt as though he was torn from me. I had dreams about him that woke me up out of my sleep with this incredible pain in my gut. But today I can say I'm OK. I still think or dream about him every so often to where I have to call. I think what bothers me the most is that he promised we would always b friends. But it ddoesn't feel that way... I just need to know how to fully get over this guy? How do I fill this emptiness?
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (8 September 2014):
 I have been in the same exact situation. It took me two relationships to get over him, but mostly the fact that after 4 years of no communication, I decided to have closure.
The problem is, we put these guys on a pedestal. When I approached him to have a talk, and after talking to him for a month i realized I no longer was attached to him. It was the thought of him that left me hanging and not his real self.
After that talk its been a year. He recently texted me and I felt nothing. I always prayed that one day Id stop loving him and feel nothing. That day finally came :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): Your problem is you maintain open contact and connection with the guy.
He purposely sabotages your relationships when he doesn't have anyone. I'm surprised you didn't put two and two together, when you should have noticed he only bothers you and wants you back when you're in a situation. That's because he's jealous, and doesn't want to see you move on before he does. He hates to see you progressing and growing.
He really doesn't care anything about you. He was over you a long-time ago, he just can't stand to see you prosperous and happy when he's not. Get it? It's about his ego! Not you!
Now he's prosperous and happy, and you're a mess. That makes him show-off to rub your nose in it. If you want to move on and get over him. Stop following-up on his life. Stop checking him on Facebook and social media. DELETE HIM totally from your life. Go 100% "no contact!" Bury him like a dead hamster. You can even have a matchbox ritual in your backyard with his picture in it. Or, just burn his picture and proclaim this the end of your suffering. It'll feel good.
If you see him in public; offer a distant and polite greeting, eyes straight, and go about life as if he didn't exist. If you feel yourself crumbling, just remember this.
He's glad it still hurts you. That isn't love. It's putrid and cruel. Disdainful. He loves your suffering. Like a narcissistic bastard. Sucking the life out of you.
You're the one still ogling over that "first-love" stuff.
Time to outgrow that nonsense. That was when you were a girl. Now you're a woman. That was the past. You're in the present. He's a cup of poison you insist on sipping from.
Then complain because your belly aches.
You're an adult now. Your focus should be on you, and your goals in life. Finding someone right for you and avoiding all the drama and setbacks of the past. Keeping him in your life is dragging around dead-weight. Let go! Flush the toilet; and watch his memory circle the bowl and go down the drain! Like the crap that he is!
You're just sitting and waiting until the next time he calls to destroy what you're building for yourself. He is toxic and vengeful. His plan is to keep you lonely and miserable. To punish you and not allow you to love anyone else, or be loved. You're kind of foolish; because you open the door and let him strut right into your life and kick your legs right out from under you. He plays on your girlish "first-love" nonsense that you refuse to outgrow. It's a fond memory, now put it away to tell your kids about.
You don't want to care about him no more?!! Then stop!
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