A
female
age
41-50,
*nswerfromtheheart
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months. He is an amazing person with a few unique quirks that I don't mind at all. The problem is that even though we are very similar, able to communicate, find compromise and are willing to work at making our relationship last a lifetime, we come from very different backgrounds, different religions, and different family expectations.I had some difficulty in the beginning to have my family accept him because of his background, but once they got to know him as a person, and not as someone from that particular background, they got to like him. His family is not here. Only recently he got one of his close relatives and her child to come live with him. To make the introduction easy, he introduced me as his friend. Although she understood that I was more than a friend. She has been nice to me, but I don't feel any appreciation for the help I'm offering them. My boyfriend does understand and appreciates everything I do for him and for his relative, but I am afraid that she is not approving of his involvement with me because I'm not of their heritage and therefore does not really value my input and help.I feel horrible because even though we get along very well, I'm afraid I will have to end the relationship and break his heart because I will never be accepted as part of their family and always be looked down as an outsider and a stranger.I don't want to be in this situation, working on a marriage is hard enough without these problems. But I feel bad about breaking his heart. He really loves me and hopes to make a future with me. In situation like this what is the best solution? I want to be with him, but on the other hand I don't want to be a reason for his family to be angry with him. It will affect him and me. If I leave him, it will be very hard on him because I'm the first person since high school he has loved. I helped him open up emotionally in terms of loving someone again, and now I'm going to leave him. It will break his heart. Don't know what to do and what's the best way to handle this situation. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (25 August 2010):
answerfromtheheart is verified as being by the original poster of the question I already started. I didn't really want to go exercise with him tonight, he got very sad because I made myself unavailable for another 2 days after tonight.
I will still however help his aunt tomorrow, because I believe it's a good thing to do. I will feel unrewarded for my effort, but I will still feel good knowing I did something good for someone. Whether they appreciate it or not, it's not my problem.
Thank you so much for your advice and support.
I guess when asking this question I kind of knew the answer, I just needed someone else's input to help me feel better about my decision.
Thank you again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Now after hearing that, I say you're right to want to leave him. Just be honest with him. He doesn't seem to value you so you feel you could deserve better because life is short anyway. But remember there's no easy way around it, just do it asap.
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (24 August 2010):
answerfromtheheart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe main reason why I'm thinking about leaving the relationship is because I don't see that he is standing up to his family in my defense.
He does not tell them about his involvement with me because he doesn't want to hear "shit" from them about the fact that I'm a different religion and not a suitable "wife material" according to their standards. He does not tell them that I am a person he chose and will be with me no matter what they think.
That tells me that he values what they think more than he values me. And I want to be valued. I'm a great person and deserve to be with someone who is proud to have me as their partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Why would you leave a perfectly great relationship simply because, you don't "think" or "feel" that you will be accepted by his friends and family? WHO GIVES A DAMN! If your fiance isn't complaining and accepts you, then that is all that matters.
You are going to end up leaving this perfectly great relationship and finding yourself either alone, or in a horrible relationship where the family and friends may like you, but the boyfriend treats you like pure crap. THINK WOMAN!! Do you have any idea how hard it is to discover a good man or woman who is 80% of what we need in order to make a relationship successful? Why throw that away?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Well, it sounds like you're just quitting first of all. Love will always come with obstacles, but it doesn't seem like you're willing to try your hardest with this one. But if you really want to break up with him, you'll have to do it like ripping off a band aid. There's no way you can break up with him without breaking his heart if he truly loves you, so just do it as soon as possible so both of you will have more time to move on. Tell him the problem is unfixable, out of your both of your control, and there's no way you can get past it.
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