A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a much higher sex drive than my wife.About 10 years ago I bought a vibrator for her. Everything was great and we used it a lot together when we had sex, and sex happened more frequently.After a while, she lost almost all interest in having sex with me but was using her vibrator on a very regular (almost daily basis) but didn't know that I knew that.....The vibrator packed up some time later.I'd like to buy her another one because she had great orgasms with it during sex but I'm afraid that the same thing will happen again.I want to make one thing clear. I have no problem with my wife using a vibrator on her own. I watch porn and get off on it sometimes and don't have double standards in that department.Sex happens about twice a month at the moment. My issue/fear is that I will be replaced by the vibrator again, like I was last time.Both early 50's. Advice please.....!
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orgasm, porn, sex drive, vibrator Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2017): Bare in mind that the women in porn are REAL people ! Vibrators are plastic !
Women are expected to compete against a million women half there age and ever changing . All men are asked is to let women use a piece of plastic that allows them to orgasm and achieve what nearly every single man can achieve from inter purse alone
In truth men don't need porn and other women . They choose it but many women CANT physically achieve an orgasm from sex alone
Your being extremely unfair
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2017): O.P. here.
Aunty BimBim, please read line 9 of my post again.
Male reader anonymous, Chigirl and Caring Aunty A, thank you for your thoughts and observations. I needed food for thought and that's what you gave me.
Much appreciated.
P.S.
Maybe I should have mentioned that there was very little sex for the first 20 years of our marriage and that my watching porn (not a lot) only started about 4 years ago......
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (2 July 2017):
 I'm afraid I too see a little double standards creeping in here. Whilst you may not see it that way, you're a bit too close to the subject.
If you don't want to be (as you say) "replaced" by a toy, are you prepared to switch off your viewing to get more realistic and in-tune with the Mrs needs? As mentioned; you need to go talk with your wife. I believe the opportunity has arrived for discussions... Will it be AAA batteries or a single cell ME, my luv?
Other than that, be that she's in her early 50's dare I say; [cringe] Menopause would be effecting her desires? It’s a big influence whether she or you like it or not. In essences both parties are going through the change.
Any thought about adding TLC into your repertoire? If sadly not, buy your good woman a jolly joy toy, you go watch what you watch best... whereby neither to you achieve human intimacy and understanding :(
As life takes a turn it’s not and can't always be all about riding the pony or the yippy yahoo Stallion, whatever the case may be :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 July 2017):
 I don't think the vibrator replaces you. I think instead, your wife discovered she was able to masturbate, which is it's own separate department. I think that even if she was not masturbating, she would not have had more frequent sex with you. So I don't think you were replaced, as most studies show masturbation does not replace sex with a partner, nor does masturbation prevent a need for sex with a partner, and nor does masturbation increase or decrease a persons sex drive.
In other words, the amount of sex you want with a partner is determined by your sex drive, which is determined by hormonal levels and what the body urges. It's not something you decide to want or not want, it's far more instinctual. Like drinking when you're thirsty, and not drinking when you're not thirsty. Masturbation is it's own separate need, and sex with a partner is it's own thing. It's like comparing apples and oranges. Yes, both are fruit, but they are still two very different fruits. One does not replace the other.
Your wife's sexual needs are probably far more influenced by her going through menopause, than by however many vibrators you buy her. I would start the conversation there, by how her menopause and changes in her body affect her need and desire for sex, and tell her you noticed her desire for sex has lowered, and if she's noticed the same. Then ask how she feels, and if sex is something she still desires, or what would help for you as a couple to be intimate still. Perhaps she has some suggestions.
I think, if anything, a new vibrator and her masturbating would help her to want more sex. Not less. Do not mention you know she uses it in private. If she hasn't brought it up, and if she hasn't invited you along with the play, then it's because it's a private matter to her and she wants to keep it that way. Bringing it up and accusing her of replacing you with a vibrator, will only cause hurt and pain and arguing and unnecessary drama.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017): I suggest a long talk with your wife about how you both feel.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (2 July 2017):
 Maybe your wife didn't want to be replaced with porn and your masturbation habits. Sounds to me you have a severe case of double standards, its okay for you to have outside stimulation but not her.
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