A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been told that I have an obsessive personality by my doctor- I suffer from OCD but mostly obsessive thoughts- my worries don't go away - I worry about saying the wrong things in meetings when I'm silent all the way to thinking "what if I touched this or that " or "did this or that" when I don't complete these actions - but my mind wanders If it does- it's a constant battle- I also have noticed that if I like someone or something I get obsessed with them or this thing - when I had bf my world revolved around him and I was so miserable because I would always worry what if he checks this girl out and even though he would not my mind would play tricks on me and I would get stuck in these thoughts - Even though he left and it was a blessing in disguise(he was a bad man) i still go back in my mind and replay scenario is of what ifI did this or that to him - is that why he left (even though my therapist has said I am not right in thinking this)I- I'm ashamed of these thoughts and drugs and therapy have not helped - I am often dreaming about men I like and a life I don't have and play scenarios of it in my head - is this normal? Does anyone know how to keep these obsessions at a minimum - they ruin my self esteem and my life- I feel no one will love me - I also feel like I will never be happy because I can't stop worrying - if anyone has any remediesOr books please advise - I have notified this mentality had made me so vunrable and insecure that I run to anything for comfort and that has caused me a lot of pain in picking the wrong men and friends
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2017): I think you have taken the blame in your life for past events that you had no control over.This assumption of unwarranted responsibility keeps you checking and double checking the facts of events and also introduces the hypothetical arguement of 'what if ?'The "what if " scenario can play like an endless record in the mind.And learning to switch it off can be an acquired art.It as if the mind is trying to create new variables in the hope that it could rewind and rescheme unwarranted events so that you could reach a happier place in time.Counselling on a one to one basis can be helpful but if you could accept that responsibilty was dumped on your young shoulders far too early in life, then you may be able to get the "unwanted conclusion" thoughts to take a back seat because you never were in control of the past.For a large part of your life you were just an innocent child dependent on adults to allow you to grow without suffering and harm.If you can think back that far you will understand that nothing you could have done from that perspective could have changed anything!As you grew older damage done to you became squashed into a ocd disorder as you tried to claim full control.Now as an adult you are entitled to full control on a trouble free basis.You will never be responsible for terrible wrongs because you have a human kind of sensitivity that looks for positive outcomes and happy endings which is why you double check everything.Naturally you will meet a decent person.This is the most important attribute you need.A person with integrity.You are on a life journey and you will move forward just as others do so do not be ashamed of yourself when you are trying to get beyond events that lie mainly in the past.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017): http://www.gstatic.com/healthricherkp/pdf/obsessive_compulsive_disorder.pdfMedicine might help. Look through that list of therapies and keep trying till you find one or more that help.You are not alone, nor strange. Asking for help shows strength and will lead to a positive outcome. Patience will help if you can learn to cultivate it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017): Your mind needs an intellectual outlet and distraction. You need a hobby or some form of creative expression that gives your mind something it can actually enjoy. We have to use all parts of our brains; and if we can only use one, it's likely to get over-used. You haven't really described anything that we don't all experience. Overthinking and desperation nags at all of us; but some of us can tone it down and control it. Your OCD turns up the volume; so you can't hear anything but what bothers you. So when you get anxious, and you start over-focusing on things, it helps to doodle or write down a good quote as a positive affirmation. Write it over and over until the though calms down. I do that before speeches, and it helps calm my nerves. I repeat affirmations like: "I've got this, I've got this! "I'm too good at this to mess-up, if I do, I'm only human!" I give myself a big pat on the back when I'm done. It alleviates the stress. If you have other ways of expressing your inner-thoughts like writing or poetry, give your mind a rest and some peace. Meditation, prayer, and yoga is also good. You may want yoga with a small class; but you may need to take a class for intense instruction. With your condition, solitude or quiet only gives way to more worry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017): Yes these thoughts are normal.... You are normal. Trust me.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 July 2017):
 First of all, big hugs.
Secondly, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You cannot help the way your brain is wired and the way it works. HOWEVER, you can hopefully re-train it gradually to help with these obsessive thoughts.
Have you tried reiki? One of the principles of reiki is "Just for today, I will let go of worry". It may help, it may not. Everyone is different. All I can say is it helped ME a lot. Admittedly I never had YOUR level of worry but I did worry about a lot. I convinced myself that, if I DIDN'T worry about things, these bad things would happen and that, by worrying, it would stop them happening. It was almost like I could control what happened by worrying, which is utter nonsense of course but that is the pattern my brain had got into. This went on for years and years until I met a lovely man through work (who remains a friend to this day) who was empathetic enough to realize what was going on and talked me into doing a reiki course. This not only helped me to realize what a waste of energy worry is - it changes NOTHING (except your enjoyment of life) - but also doing the meditations at the start and end of the day helped me to relax and to sleep properly. It has to be worth a go. You have nothing to lose but a couple of days.
I also find that, if I do start to worry about something, I can "switch it off" by either thinking "I will let go of this worry for NOW" or, alternatively, I ask myself the "worst case scenario" question - "what is the WORST thing that can happen if what I am worrying about DOES/DID happen?" Then I think, "OK, well that isn't so bad, I can deal with that IF it happens/happened". This helps you feel like you have it "covered".
Have you tried Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? A friend of mine was helped enormously by this. No experience of it myself but, as I said, different things work for different people. Just because one thing has not helped, please do not rule out other things because you never know what MAY help.
Are you happy in your job? Try to separate the job from the obsessive thoughts/worries. Do you ENJOY what you do or do you find it very stressful? Would you be happier in a different environment doing something different? Is your job adding to your obsessive behaviour or does it help to distract you?
Do you have hobbies and interests outside of work? Sometimes having a focus for our thoughts and energies that we passionately believe in can help take our focus away from what is going on inside our heads. Everyone is different. My own passion is animal welfare. I work as a volunteer for rescues in my spare time, helping with things like transporting animals and home checking prospective new owners. This way I have met many like-minded people who share my passion and are what I would term "genuinely beautiful people" - i.e. very kind, caring and compassionate. I also try to help where I can with charities who work with homeless people. Some of these people have nothing but the bag they carry with them and the clothes they wear. By helping in any way, no matter how small, it makes me think I have done something worthwhile that day, not just put money into the pockets of the owner of the company I work for. (Strangely I became interested in this after reading John Grisham's book - The Street Lawyer, which provided a fantastic, if basic, insight into homelessness.)
Sending more hugs. x
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