A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunts n uncles!I've (29f) been with boyf (31m) for one year now - in 2 weeks time! :-) we are very happy together. We were friends for a few months before dating and there is a good physical attraction. We live together and it's going well.We have spoken of marriage before and he has told me that he would know after a year whether he would marry (he's had several exes). The other night though, we spoke of weddings which we've talked about before! He wants a big/holiday and a private elopement with a wedding party at a later date. He doesn't want to get married just because we're ready to have kids, but enjoy himself being married awhile and wait a couple of years for children. It's amazing because I want the same things but for slightly different reasons so it works perfectly! He even brought up elopement again the following day. Now he is in the throws of saving up and making business plans for a business he wants to set up this time next year. He has said that he may not be able to take holidays for a couple of years once he opens it. So I'm not sure where this marriage thing fits in... He knows I don't want to wait more than four years to have kids and that I left my previous partner because he changed his mind after 8 years and decided not to marry me.I want to support him through his business and be successful but I don't want to hang on for years again... I just can't imagine that he'd want to propose in the next year - it's not that far away and from my experience seeing friends too, it's very soon from where I'm from!He did say the fact that I don't want an expensive wedding or expect to have kids straight away has taken pressure off and he is less likely to feel trapped, because he likes the idea of marriage - just not for those reasons!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Entrepreneurs with new business ventures eat, breathe and sleep their business. They have to if they want it to be successful. Most new companies fail. Those who suceed are those with a lot of blood sweat and tears put in for several years.What I am saying is that you will have kids, just that it will be his business. That's where his time and energy will be if he is to he successful. If you want to have kids you have to accept that you will be doing most of the work and he will not be around much or hardly at all and you need to not resent that. If you ask him to be an equal partner he may say no and that puts having kids anytime soon off the table. Therefore its your call if you want to wait longer before having kids or do it sooner but relieving him of any responsibility in childcare.
A
female
reader, loveimpossible  +, writes (12 September 2013):
I am in a similar situation, same age an although I have been with my bf for over two years. There is no doubt in my mind that it will happen sooner or later, but when that may be is stressing me out a bit. But, I keep reminding myself that I am not alone, that it is far more important to be with someone that makes you happy.
Many men want to know that they can provide before they commit and have kids. I can give you so many examples of this in my own experiences but that's a novel! However, I will tell you this, he is setting this business up for you! Because he wants to have that future with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): I believe you are very aware of your ... 29 years and all you see is the biological clock ticking...!You seem to have different goals - he wants to start up a company, he does not have money for any big weddings right now and he certainly does not want children anytime soon.On the other hand, you have "waited" for someone before, you moved on when you realised that wasn't going to happen, and now you're at the same place.We all would love the picture perfect world of married and children preferably before it's too late, however, you also can't dictate or force love, partners or relationships. It has an ebb and flow and should come naturally.Even if you left him now, you would STILL have to meet someone else, get to know them, hopefully find out they are what you're looking for, then get serious, and eventually be ready to marry, and have children. So whether you wait for your man to be ready to settle down too and be in a financially better place; or you leave him and go find someone else, the time will probably be the same.My advice: drop all your preconceived notions, drop society's requirements, drop what others expect, and look at YOU. What do YOU want? to be happy? to have the RIGHT guy? THE ONE? If this one is the one, then WAIT for him, as long as that takes, and forget what age you are. Focus on appreciating him and keeping him - not threatening to leave due to not wanting to wait as the dream of as having children maybe fades.Once you take the biological clock off the equation, and you focus on yourselves, your dreams (support his career as you follow yours) and he gets financially secure, then you have the Wedding and work on having the children. Don't start with children, therefore must be married, and due to age, must be NOW! Women are having children later and later in life, as there is no longer the pressure to marry out of high school, or beyond. You have them when you've met the right guy, the circumstances are ideal and you are BOTH ready. Forcing it won't work - you might get your way but at what cost? Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): You're only 29, it you're putting the pressure on about marriage then you're going to potentially risk pushing him too far and lose what you have.
Nothing you have said indicates this man doesn't want marriage and children with you but your panic about it totally removes the love and joy from those special occasions. I understand you don't want to be waiting and waiting and then it doesn't work out - but just enjoy your relationship, you've talked about it, your on the same page. There's nothing more to worry about.
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