A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently have been working very closely with a professor at my University. During our long research periods, we have become very close and flirt like crazy. There are two problems here:1) The obvious teacher/student thing could get him in trouble2) We are both in relationships (he is married) and it has started to affect the existing relationships we are both in. Because I know nothing can ever happen, I just want to know how to be able to stop feeling this way about him. I also don't want to be labeled as a "home wrecker" either. As much as I want to stop being interested in him, there's just something about him that I can't let go of... please help...
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 You can be as interested as you like, but stop the flirting. This is all going to end so badly. It's rare for a professor to leave his wife for a student, so it's going to be sex somewhere sordid, a lot of noise if people find out, your reputation and his job on the line. The Uni may even ask you to leave as it will contaminate any work you give in. You probably won't wreck his home, your probably not the first student he's flirted/had sex with.
Really not worth it.
If you really aren't strong enough to stop flirting with this man, then you won't be strong enough not to have sex with him. I suggest you leave the University and study somewhere else.
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (5 May 2011):
 You know this happens a lot, don't you? You might want to look up these two terms: Transference and Counter Transference. It's usually used to describe romantic feelings a patient has towards their analyst, but it can also be a student-teacher thing.
If this professor is flirting with you, he is not being professional because he knows exactly what is going on and is choosing to ignore it. I know you think these feelings are genuine, and there is a chance they could be, but as a married man, he should not be participating. I have a feeling you are not the first student he has flirted with.
The bad news is that it spells nothing but trouble for you. It is an abuse of power on his part, similar to sexual harassment in the work place. It's not illegal, but it is unethical. You need to snap yourself out of it. The best way to do this is to "worst case scenario" it. What would happen to your career as a student if you were to become involved with a married professor? What you happen if his wife caught wind of it? What would happen to your relationship with your boyfriend?
Worst case scenario - you end up alone and possibly in another course of study. He stays with his wife and acts like nothing happened. I came from this environment. These men do not leave their wives for their students.
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