A
female
age
36-40,
*ittens
writes:I was officially with my now ex-boyfriend for about a year and a half, though had known him (and occasionally been "seeing" him) for a couple of years before that, when I broke it off because I feel like I don't want to be in a relationship at the moment.I'm 24, and have a lot of interests which involve my weekends usually being quite full, and I work 9-5 Mon-Friday.I broke it off with him because I knew I was drawing away from him and this was hurting him. He accepted the break-up amazingly well (although was, and is, upset about it). My drawing away wasn't the only problem - his sexual interest in me had completely died which really wasn't helping matters.He occasionally messages me to say he misses me and still loves me. The truth is I still love him too, but I don't think I'm suitable "serious" girlfriend material just now. I thought I was doing the right thing by him by being honest about this, but I'm clearly still upsetting him by existing. Is it so wrong to not want to be in a committed relationship just now?Please help. I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): I agree with CaringGuy! You had to do what was best for you and if you weren't ready for that sort of a relationship then you'd only end up making yourself miserable and by the time you came to ending it, he would be devastated.
He might miss you and he may still love you, but at the end of the day, you have to live your life and he will get to a point where he accepts the change and moves on the way you will.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 February 2014):
You did exactly the right thing for you, and in truth, him as well. You mention that his interest in you was already falling, and you were drawing away from him. It was already on the downward slide no matter which way you look at it. I do believe you when you say you love him, but I suspect that it's more as a 'friend' than anything more. You're not ready to settle down, and he wasn't really ready either. Had you carried on, you've have only ended up hurting each other and it wouldn't have ended as cleanly as it did.
The best way to look at this is that you had a good time with him whilst it lasted,and you ended it because the right time to end it. He's hurting, yes. But you have saved him and yourself a lot more pain in the future. It's not wrong to feel the way you do. At all. Perhaps if others thought about it like you did, they too wouldn't be so hurt later on.
Enjoy living your life, and continue to let this man go.
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