A
female
age
30-35,
*omoko
writes:I'm a little nervous. My "friend" made a comment as he left my house after fooling around about loving "booty calls." The thing is, I don't want it to be a booty call. I don't know the way to try to tell him gently that either he has to be a man and commit to me or to ship out. Please help...
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female
reader, Momoko +, writes (9 December 2010):
Momoko is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you. I will do so. I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Then don't be his booty call. Tell him in plain English, "I want a committment, not a casual thing and if that's not you, then you need to go."
Guys won't do subtlety. You have to be straightforward with them and to the point, otherwise they will lose interest.
Don't give physical first if you want more than that, then you have to build on something, like friendship first and then go for the boyfriend and girlfriend thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): You already are his booty call. You will continue to be his booty call until you demand some kind of change.
Okay here is the likely scenario. I'm sorry if this prediction stings a bit but I am trying to help you in the long run:
You will demand something more from him and he will probably not agree to it. Then you will be faced with a choice, either stop messing around with him or give in and never be anything more than a booty call to him.
Chances are that if you hold out for what you want then you will end up losing him. He will just move on to some other girl that will give in and let him mess with her for nothing. But the truth is you never really had him to lose. You were letting yourself be used and telling yourself that it meant you were making progress towards something with him.
If you want commitment then don't give the physical stuff first. You can't start out giving the physical and then try to raise your demands for it later.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Don't tell him gently, tell him clearly. Most guys don't "do" hints.
Stop fooling around randomly with him- tell him that if he wants to take you out on some dates to see if you two connect, that would be great- otherwise, sorry, he needs to find himself a more casually minded girl .
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