A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay...so to start with, I have known this guy for a little over three years. Our introduction was a long story, but to make it short, we were introduced by his cousin who is one of my best friends. Before we met, him and I talked via phone, text, computer, every means of communication you can think of and we became very close. We just seemed to be able to talk about a lot of different things anytime at all. This went on for about three months and then we met, kissed, and he asked me to officially be his girlfriend (since he'd been telling me he thought he loved me for a few weeks). After this, he cheated on me with someone I knew. I didn't know what to think and the first instinct was to get rid of him and forget it...even though I really had feelings for him. However, I still accepted his calls and eventually he talked me into forgiving him. After that, our relationship was pretty much a long distance one where we didn't see each other hardly at all. I had friends who kept tabs on him and he never cheated again, he was faitful. We were together about 7 months and ended it cause the distance was too much. After ALL of this, him and I stayed friends, we would text each other and call each other often. he was the first guy that I ever did ANYTHING with and I think that is one reason why i have such a hard time letting go now that I have a steady relationship with a wonderful guy. (After I started dating my boyfriend, this other guy begged me to come back to him, he even went into a depressive state but I do love my current boyfriend...a lot and couldn't imagine going back) Now, I find myself talking to him a lot more than I probably should and I sometimes give in when he wants to have "text sex" and I do it simply to make him happy. During it i am bored and not into it at all but just say what he wants to hear. Recently I crossed the line when he came to see for the first time since the breakup and when he made a move I let him kiss me. He's had other girlfriends and I have only had this one boyfriend and I do love him...more than anything. I just find it so hard to let this other guy go. I guess I am being stupid, selfish, and hurtful towards my boyfriend but I have tried breaking ties and it doesn't work. Now that the other guy is starting to act like he doesn't want to talk as much, I see an opportunity to break all connection, but I can't bring myself to do it!! Please HELP me, give me any advice that you can as to why I can't break ties...I HAVE to get rid of him...for good. (I can't seem to forget that he was the first guy that I ever let myself do anything with sexually)
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best friend, cheated on me, cousin, long distance, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Your ex boyfriend basically made you unhappy and the new one makes you happy. Forget about the ex, cut contact with him and just put it down to experience. Sleeping with someone creates a bond, but that doesn't mean it's good to stay with them.
A
female
reader, angela2  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Hi, I am not only writing to help you get through this but also myself. I know you are sad and confused and painful and what I am feeling now is also agony.We also have our first.It is tend for people to deal with their first relationship since they do not have any experience.Usually sex makes things more complicated and harder.I have been trying to forget him but only to find I miss him more.Allow yourself some time to think about him,though it is painful,at least we learn and we grow.We do not know what will happen when we let our partner go.Life We may feel empty when they are gone.And that is what we fear. Though I do not want to let my ex go I still did though it breaks my heart to do so.I believe that is for the best.And the closure of one world will give chance to the opening of another.Remember do not deliberately tried to forget something, it will only reinforce the memories.Though I write those words, I know it is much harder to put them into action.And I am not sure whether I can do it myself. Remember there are other people who care about you.Wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Women form emotional bonds with sexual partners that usually become very painful to break later on. Much more so than men do. It's a natural difference in the genders brains.
We all act like sex is no big deal as long as it's physically safe, but we often lie to ourselves about the emotional consequences. We can't just turn off feelings when they become a problem.
You've got to break from this guy and MOVE ON. The way to stop this pattern is to pick your partners VERY carefully. Understand that you can be attracted to someone and they may still be a totally bad idea for you to hook up with. (This goes for BEFORE the relationship gets serious just as much as after.)
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (22 May 2008):
Don't even try to forget him - you will be thinking about forgetting him forever. Allow a place in your mind and heart for him - he was your first and you really did love him, and may always care for him. Carry the good memory and realize he is gone to his own future, and you have space and time to find yours. Focus on now, make no apologies to anyone for the past, and find your joy. Good luck.
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