A
female
age
36-40,
*tella19
writes:So I've moved out of the apt that my boyfriend and I shared with our son. But I want to be back with him . I don't know what to do everytime we talk he sits there and tells me he tried to make it work and everything I did wrong. Our son is only 2 months old and I wasn't expecting to be a single mother and I don't know what to do . Any advice as to how we can get back together ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): every relationship has intricate twists, and im sure yours isnt any less complicated than the rest. all i can tell you is my experience.i lived with my ex husband for about a year before i got pregnant with twins. we were in college. before kiddos, we partied, it was college...fun times. but with babies, life changed, at least for me. his alter ego emerged, whom i like to call "hank", and i discovered a very mean, (emotionally and verbally) abusive man. it was a horrible pregnancy.none the less, after the babies were born, we decided to get married. i knew it wasnt the best idea. but i didnt want to do it alone. i thought i couldnt. i thought the best thing for the babies would be a family, mommy and daddy. we were married five years. i left when he turned his abuse on one of our children.i stayed so long because i thought i couldnt do it on my own. but in retrospect, i see that i always did do it on my own. he was never my partner at all. dont underestimate what you are capable of. think about the long term effect of being in a bad marriage vs. moving forward with your life. by moving forward you have a world of opportunities in front of you. by running back to something that didnt work before is insanity (doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result each time). you know what you had. if things didnt end badly they wouldnt end. if you go get him back, you will be stuck with him. just because hes your babies daddy doesnt mean hes the best man to have in your life. if you go back to him out of fear and insecurity in yourself, you destroy any chance of becomming what you are capable of becomming. dont let fear of the unknown dictate your future, or your babies.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (25 July 2009):
 to stay together you both need to make positive changes.
dont get back together just because you feel stigmatised by being a single mum.
alot of single mums have done great jobs in rearing intelligent kids, mine included.
your partner cannot blame you for everything, it takes two to make a relationship or break it.
nothing is ever 1 sided, there is 2 sides to every coin.
if you truly love your partner speak to him again and see what changes you can make together as a couple to make it work.
if he continues giving you excuses and blaming you i wouldnt think he will change anytime too soon and then its your call.
good luck!
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A
male
reader, lonestarchalk1 +, writes (25 July 2009):
 Whatever you do, don't stay together just to make it work. If it's broke don't try to fix it, pick up the pieces and move on. Otherwise your going to raise the child in a dysfunctional relationship with your boyfriend. Unfortunately children do not make a good relationship, they actually complicate it.
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