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female
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*ucky-grl
writes: I have been in love with this guy for about 9-10 years. When all this started i was young. We tried to go different ways. He hooked up with this girl and had kids and I got engaged. I left my relationship after three years because I still love him.This man is my brothers best friend so I see him all the time.We still love each other very much.He is very unhappy in his relationship,and his kids are still very young.He does not want to leave his kids the way his father left him.I understand that ,but Ive talked to him about joint custody. He's scared to lose his kid's.His kid's mother is always cheating,and she's never home for the kid's or him.I don't wanna be a home wreaker,but we love each other.What do I do .Im not waiting around ,but I can't love anyone the way I love him!!!! HELP!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): Dear Lucky-Grl,
I can only imagine how much this guy means to you, and how it must hurt you to see him miserable with someone else.
You seem to understand how important being a good dad is to him, and it seems from what you say that he is even willing to sacrifice his own happiness to do it.
If you are sure he loves you very much and wants to be with you, then you need to calmly explain how your life will look with his kids in it. Show him that he can be a wonderful father, a happy father and that you will do everything in your power to support that if he were to be with you. Show him that a miserable father is not a good father ( trust me- as the kid of parents that stayed together 'for the sake of the children'... I know)
Change is hard... for him and for you. You deserve real love in your life. So are you ready for change? If you are, after you tell him how you will do everything in your power to help him keep his kids and be a good dad if you are together, ask him if he is willing to give it a genuine go with you.
If you are going to do this, be ready for his answer... he could say no. If he does, for your future happiness, you need to move on and find a man who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): do not worry just tell him how you feel i am sure he'll understand.dont worry and be happy!!!!!
:))
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A
female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (24 March 2006):
 I agree - this isn't your place to be involved. He needs to make his own decision. You don't want to be the reason he chose to leave his kids or whatever. If you have told him how you feel, that is all you can do. If it is meant to be, it will work out in the end. In the meantime, don't sit around waiting for him to ditch his family for you, because sometimes people stay in unhappy marriages for a long, long time. Find someone who can be available for you. You may never love anyone the way you love him because everyone is different. It doesn't mean that you won't love someone else with all your heart. Leave yourself open to that possibility. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 March 2006):
 If he's so unhappy he'll leave her. There is no " but " here either. Mind your business !!! He's not yours. If she is so terrible, he'll leave. Why do you want to bring yourself down to her level?
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