A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I posted here many times about this guy so I wanted to give the update on the situation. I am confused and kind of sad so I would like to have your opinions.Quick background: We started this like ten months ago. It is a long distance thing. He was chasing me, all sweet and caring, I liked him very much and we started to date. It was agreed from the beginning this was not serious but he always made me feel the best girl on earth. It was one of the most intense relationship I ever had. Then he disappeared, just stop asking to see me and acting very distant. I asked and the explanation was "this is getting too intense to let me see things straight". This was october but lately we start talking again and he shows interest in see me again and he was acting really sweet. I didn't know what to expect so i let him organize.I was around last week so we went on a date last thursday. We met for drinks and when I arrived he started kissing me and told me that i looked so sexy. Then we drank and laughed like stupids and at some point he said that he wanted to f*ck me. Btw we didn't have sex that night. Then we went for dinner and then more drinks. He made the reservations and he invited me all the time. We had the laugh of our lives. We made out all night long and talked and of course got drunk.In a moment of this insanity he told me to not put that much stock in him. Big red flag, I guess. But also he liked me and missed me, which seems obvious because if not he would not go out with me, right ? At some point I told him something I already regret because it was a very personal thing.Something which bothers me a lot is that he is making sometimes negative comments about me. He never did that in the past. Like I am lazy or a disaster or silly ... But he also said he cares so much about me.The day after he texted to say that he had a blast and definitely we should meet again soon. He asked when I am back again in the uk and also if i am not traveling during xmas we can meet somewhere then.Yesterday I freaked out without any particular reason, just my insecurities and I sent the following email:"I was thinking about the time we spent together. I really had fun with you, it is not doubt about that. And it is also true I do want to see you again soon. But not only during a drunken evening, I would like to spend some quality time with you. Think about it and if you want, we can meet somewhere during the holidays. It would be awesome. And really fun !! You can pick up the placeI trust you very much so I hope you understand that what I told you can never be repeated to anyone. This is very important to me. Also I do not want you to disappear again. Maybe you do not realize how hurtful it is and maybe it is also my fault because I am always pretending to be so cool and understanding. If one day something is wrong just tell me but do not let me wonder or fool me, ok ?"Great move, right ? But I cannot take everything inside, if we are not on the same page and he does not treat me the way I deserved then I am done. And what I want is not necessary a serious relationship but I do not want someone who pulls away and destroys my confidence.What do you thing ? What should I do now ? Did I ruin everything ?Thanks !!!
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confidence, drunk, kissing, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): All those things you decribed when you met up with him says to me that he was hoping for some action that night. He told you not to "put too much stock in him" so he doesn't want a relationship with you. He told you in black and white.
Just because you met up for a night out doesn't mean he has hidden feelings for you or that he misses you. All it means is that he finds you attractive and probably thought that if he said all the right things he'd get laid.
I don't want to sound mean or harsh, i'm telling you this because i went through a similar thing. We met up, went for drinks and at the end of the night he was expecting sex, which i didn't give him. In the end he ended up hurting me, emotionally, pretty badly.
I'm telling you this because i don't want you to go through the same thing. Don't invest your emotions in this man because they will be wasted.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): the only thing you ruined was time wasted on unquarantined bacteria. what the hell's on your mind? your foolishly hooked on stich. he's who will end up giving you an std. don't you think you're worth more than a toxic viral bottom of the barrel skeebot?
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