A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a lot of issues here I really need some help. I'm engaged to marry this guy. But I'm not so sure if its such a good idea anymore. I have been with him for a year now and we did date in high school. We still act like a new couple and love each other very much. I also have an 8yr daughter, he is so good to her. He loves to take her places and do things with her all of the time. One of my problems is he can't hold a job. The longest he has kept a job is three weeks. He has promissed he will keep the next and the next....as always, he gets the boot or he quits because its too hard on his back. He did break his back quite a few years ago. Wich leads to the biggest problem. Pills. He is addicted to his lortabs, he gets a perscription once a month. He has told me he has been to rehab twice for this. He has also has me hide them from him but no matter where I hide them he finds them and takes more than any person should. He gets obnoxious and very annoying when he gets his high he is looking for. I have sat down and talked with him about this it does no good. On top of all this he asks my friends if they have any pills when he is out. He has even washed some in the washer and was digging through the wet soapy clothes trying to find them. He has a bad addiction along with the inability to keep a job. I don't want our relationship to end but I do need to think about the well being of my little girl. She also loves him very much. I just don't know what do any more I'm exhausted. I don't know if I should show him tuff love or boot him. I'm so confused. How can I handle this sittuation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for input! I have decided to give the man a second chance. He has agreed to get help I agreed to help him help himself. He is also quit drinking all one his own. After our talk he decided it wasn't worth it to loose what he has. Thanku again!
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (16 December 2010):
 I would show him tough love. Get help, keep a job or get out.
It's awesome that you are thinking of your daughter first, as shocking as it is, most parents don't do that and put their partner first. Having your daughter grow up in an environment with an addict (who is only going to get worse) is that what you want her to grow up with? He should be able to hold a job, he broke his back a few YEARS ago, why is he still on pain killers? Did they do the surgery wrong?
My mom was addicted to alcohol and pills (she passed away last year because of her addiction) and I wish my Dad would have left her or at least shown her tough love and made her get some help so all of us kids didn't have to grow up like that. We grew up too fast.
It's ultimately up to you, but can you put up with this for the next ten years? Or do you want to find someone who can hold a job, who isn't an addict and who will be there for you and your daughter?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): Hiya!
He needs to get real. Maybe he can't. You and your girl deserve the best you can get, and the best you can be. If he can't get 'clean' then don't just stand there; do what you know you must.
Go girl!
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