A
female
age
,
*andacefrand
writes:I have 2 very serious questionsMy family has ALWAYS questioned my parentling skills and has ALWAYS given me advice on my "out of control kids". When my oldest son was 16, he got into a little trouble at school, he started hanging out with the wrong kids, got into drugs and got kicked out of school. We did have a very rough year with him, btu we got him into a drug rehab program, he went back to school and is a completly different kid. He just turned 19, he is going to college part time, has a part time job and a girlfriend. He does random drug testing and has part all of them for the past 18 months. A few months ago he told us that his girlfriend was pregnant, we were shicked but realized we couldnt change that so we accepted it. My family STILL brings up my sons past and threws it up at eveyr holiday or gathering. My son and his girl friend have decided that they want ot give the baby up for adoption, they have already met with the couple and are happy with their decision. BUT I AM NOT. I have tried to talk to them and every time I mention the baby to my son he walks away, When I talke dto his girlfriend and I explained to her that we woudl help raise the child, but that still didnt help. I dont want them to make the mistake and regret it later, so how do I get them to open up and talk to us about this to make sure this is right. Also I know that my family will ahev alot to say about the adoption , I cant stick up for them when I feel it is the wrng thing to do too. So how do I deal with my families comments and support my son when I think it is all wrong
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female
reader, veronika  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 You need to keep out of it.
It's your son's and his girlfriend's baby, not yours - even though it would be your grand-child.
You can't make decisions for your son, this needs to be sorted out between him and his partner. Putting a child up for adoption is a very personal decision, and it's often not a decision that's made easily.
As much as you DON'T want this child to be put up for adoption, you need to set your feelings aside and let your son and his partner do what they feel is best.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 So you are not happy with your son and his girlfriend's decision. Guess what ? Tough luck. You don't have to be happy with their decision,- they have to be happy.
You and your husband would help with raising the child, but you would not be the ones doing the actual raising ,your son and his gf would be. So it's up to them to decide if they can do that, and apparently they have decided against it.
Obviously you are very concerned about your family comments and judgements, but that's your own problem, you can't ask your son to take it upon himself. I don't think he is loosing sleep over what your family thinks about his and his gf's business, and I don't think he should loose any.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (30 June 2010):
 The point is it isn't *your* life any more. If you are hoping to appease your family, you can no longer do it through your son. Your son is an adult. He's making his own decisions, and I rather suspect he doesn't care whether you "stick up for him."
This isn't about you. It isn't about your family. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll have a chance to have a decent relationship with your son.
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