A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi. i've been with my guy for almost 2 years. We love each other a lot however for the past few months we've been fighting about little stuff and big stuff. We'd get into arguements about nothing and then make up..and then we'd get into big fights where i refused to call for 2-3 days even.The main problem is that my parents really dont approve of my bf. He's my first real bf and relationship and they think that i could do SO much better. My dad thinks hes immature and not a real man and my mom thinks he's manipulating me.Granted my bf is a no BS kind a guy. He's never been straightfoward rude to them but there were a couple of instances that he did go a bit overboard which i made him aware of.He's tried to be nice and to bite his tongue bc he thinks my parents are very rude to him, which they really aren't but i guess they have given a bit attitude to him at times. It's just that i want everyone to get along bc i always thought that i would marry my bf and have a wonderful family with him and i can't deal with people having animosity towards each other. It upsets me that my bf and parents can't really like each other and my bf said that he's going to stop trying to be nice bc it hasn't worked for 2 years and feels it never will work. He even told me last night that if my parents buy him a christmas present that he'll return it right back bc no one should pretend to like one another just because it's a holiday. I don't know what to think about this, because it's ruining what i have w my bf and i feel like im stuck in the middle. I've tried talking to my parents but they dont think they're rude to him. I don't want to break up over on my parents account but i don't know what to do right not. I know no relationship is perfect, but i'm wondering if this one's worth keeping? I am so torn.Thanks so much
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (19 November 2007):
I think most of the time, that you should listen to the people who are closest to you, those who care about you most, because they can see things objectivly, without love blinding their vision type of thing. However sometimes parents judgment can be clouded I guess, clouded with too much worry perhaps.
So I think you should honestly listen to what your parents are saying. Try to really understand waht they are saying and have a honest loko at it and think could it MAYBE be true?
You say that you think your bf is nothing like what your parents think...but dont you think that his idea to be rude/not nice to them and to return their gift is evidence of your parents negative opinions of him? Isnt thatb eing immature? I think it is. So this is why I really think you should re think all this.
You said your mother says she thinks he is manipulating you. You dont agree? Why does your mother think he is? And why dont you think he is? I think you should be careful because someone who is manipulative is not a good perosn to be with at all!
Have your parents spent much time with your bf? If not, maybe one thing that could improve the situation is leting them spend more time together. If they dont know him very well then they can make alot of bad assuptions about him and possibly fearing waht they dont know...the unfamiliar.
I dont think you should break up wiht him based on the fact your parents dont like him, you need to be able to see for yourself if he is right for you or not. Take a look a couple who you admire, whose relationship you would die for! And compare it to yours. How similar is it? Does it have the ability to grow to being similar? If not then I would say this is probably a guy you should give up on...
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