A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well my mom has decided to take a job at my school. As the detention lady. Great. Not that I'd see her at all..I don't get detentions or anything. That's not the point. The point is that she's coming to work at my high school and high school is like my place to escape. I don't want her there invading my space with my friends and boyfriends and stuff. I just don't want her there. I've tried telling her this, but I just can't seem to make her see things from my point of view. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Sorry babes. I owe you an appology too. I didn't answer, but I thought a bit badly of you too. Thanks for the update. I can understand what you mean about the embarrasement thing, my mum was embarrasing too and I went through hell everytime she came to school. Maybe you can explain some of what happens to you in school when your mother works there. Maybe she can find another job at another school somewhere later on. All I can suggest is that you keep the lines of communication open all the time, update her on your situation and any trouble your having. Unfortunately I don't know what to say. You have a right to be happy at school, but your mother also has a right to have a good carrer. Sorry babes that we upset. Take care and good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I am so sorry;
Herewith a big HUG and lots of SMILES; It was not my intention to hurt or upset you; I am also sorry that you feel you are at breaking point and that all this is adding to your pain and frustration; I do hope everything will be okay for you at school; if any of the girls give you too much "trouble" refer them to me; (LOL)
Once again, my sincere apologies; and be strong; dont let the others bully you around;
Best wishes and lots of Smiles
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I am so sorry;
Herewith a big HUG and lots of SMILES; It was not my intention to hurt or upset you; I am also sorry that you feel you are at breaking point and that all this is adding to your pain and frustration; I do hope everything will be okay for you at school; if any of the girls give you too much "trouble" refer them to me; (LOL)
Once again, my sincere apologies; and be strong; dont let the others bully you around;
Best wishes and lots of Smiles
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2008):
 I apologize for making you upset with my answer. I wasn't trying to be sarcastic, I was trying to be witty. And flubbed it totally, it seems.
I do know what it is like to have your mom work at the school, honestly. And I have some remembrance of what it was like to be going through the teen years. Not easy, actually, quite traumatic. One thing that I could do was to talk to my parents, both my mom and dad were pretty good listeners. I just had to work up enough nerve to talk to my dad seriously, as he scared the cr*p out of me at that age. My mom was easy to talk to.
So your mom really is out there on the social scale, huh? That is NOT easy to cope with for someone in high school, and now she's sending the bitchiest girls who will totally destroy you down to the office? Yikes, that IS bad.
You are going to have to sit her down and have a heart-to-heart on this one. "Mom, I love you to pieces, but I need to tell you how difficult this is for me. I know that you are a great individualist and that you are working at my school in order to further your career plans. BUT, and I do need for you to listen to me, please, hear me out, and take what I'm telling you with great seriousness. BUT, you are embarassing me at school. I love that you are a great extrovert, but could you tone it down for me at school? Ratchet it back a couple of notches, so that you don't draw so much attention to yourself? I know that those girls probably deserved getting sent down to the office, but you need to understand that I am the one they are going to take it out on. And I do NOT want this to escalate. I do NOT want you to get into some kind of pissing contest with them. I just would like to get through school without more hassle than necessary. And there's a lot of other stuff on my plate too."
Then tell her what else is bothering you. Again, I know that it's hard to believe, but we older folk were once teenagers (oops, trying to be witty, not sarcastic) and we mostly made it out okay. So you WILL survive. You just need to ask your mom to help you out here. Seriously.
And you write VERY well! You do sound mature and you do have a good head on your shoulders. I think you'll be just fine, once you get your mother to see your side of things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSmiles:
1. I just found out today actually that she is taking the job to have seniority in the school system because she is actually hoping to have a job in the 2009-2010 school year as an elementary school teacher. Which of course makes perfect sense know that I know this. It's still very hard for me to accept the fact that I will see her more and more. I know exactly what she is like teaching in a classroom because before this job she was a substitute teacher...for my class.
2. Hence one of the reasons for the embarrassment. She sent ten of the bitchiest girls who just so happen to not like me down to the office for doing pretty much nothing. They were just giving her weird looks and talking and such because...My mom is the type of person who wears really weird clothes, is very outgoing and "out there". She's very forward and always just there whereas I just want to be invisible and basically just get through high school unnoticed. I figure that if I can manage to get through without drawing attention to myself, everything (all the stuff that I have gone through that I really don't feel like getting into now) will all be settled and if not okay, at least not as important. I don't like it when my mom draws attention to herself (and then in turn, me) by being embarrassing.
I know that I am younger than you and therefore all these problems probably don't seem as important to you as I'm sure they won't even seem important to me looking back ten or twenty years from now. But right now, and sorry if this sounds bratty, they do matter a lot for some reason. However, compared to all the other stuff I've been through, my mom working at my high school isn't really that significant. But you know what? It's just one more thing to pile onto me when I already feel I am about to break.
So I apologize if this came across as silly or immature. But I just wanted to let you know that I am mature (though you probably don't believe me as there is know way of knowing firsthand since we are merely talking on the computer. But talking on the computer makes it easier to insult people or jump to conclusions since you can't see or actually know the complete stranger you are advising). And I know that you probably didn't mean to intentionally hurt me. But it did hurt. Because I can sense your sarcasm in your answer. I know it's there.
I appreciate you answering, but I just wish that you would "Remember the Human" behind the computer screen. I'm already made to feel unworthy at school by peers...I don't need it from a complete stranger on the Internet.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 July 2008):
Hi, I think I may know your mother. She is the really embarassing woman who shows up unannounced and is generally considered by you and your friends to be about as welcome as a puppy with diarrhea and bladder control issues in an oriental carpet showroom?
Good news, bad news.
Bad news first. She is an adult and can make her own choices. Maybe there's some reason that she wants to work at your high school? I don't know. She will also get to know some of the kids who keep needing detention. How do I know all this? My mother's mother, yes my grandmother, was my mom's teacher in grade school way back when. It was not nice for my mom. Did that teach my mom anything? Noooooo, she had to go get a job in the main office at my middle school!!!! I was not too happy about that one, you can be sure. This was a small school, AND we lived right across the street from it, AND she always knew where I was and who I was with. Very annoying.
Good news. You will be out of school in one or two years. If you keep your grades high and do all those silly things that seem stupid right up until you fill out your applications for college/university, you'll be able to decide your own fate then. If she shows up on your college campus, well, I don't hold out much hope for you. But I'll bet that if you do really really well in HS, you'll have your pick of schools.
Honestly, my mom working at the school wasn't that big an issue. And you know what, I now admire her for going out and getting a job, even if it made me and my brother a bit nervous. Mom, you rock.
Twenty or thirty years from now, this will actually be a good memory for you. I know it seems dire right now, but bless her, she is doing what she wants and should be applauded for it.
Sorry, if you'd caught me about 27 years ago, I'd be singing a different tune.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Thanks for the update, okay, if we were all so wrong then my apologies; but then, seein that you are so mature and have all the wisdom; please explain to me:
1. If it is not for finacial reasons, why is your mom taking the job? ( That does not mean your family is in financial difficulty; it might just mean extra money for certain luxuries)but have you bothered to find out why; can you tell me why?
2.Your reference: "she is one of the most embarrassing people" because she is my mother; I need you to explain that to me
I am looking forward to hear from you; hopefully we can work through this when we understand better;
Lots of Smiles;
Best wishes
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionExcuse me. I am mature. I'm one of the more mature sixteen-year-olds you will meet. It's not the fact that she's teaching me, because she's not. It's the fact that she's there at my school and she is one of the more embarrassing people, especially since she's my mother.Stop telling me how "Be lucky you're not in my situation..." That doesn't help at all. And don't assume that I'm being a spoiled brat and that maybe my family has financial issues and therefore she needs to take this job? No. We are perfectly fine financially. So please do not assume anything about me. Reading through most of these answers just got me more and more ticked off. You guys weren't here to advise, just to judge.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Most probable thing is that she won't even talk to you or anything at all. I was in a similar situation like you. My uncle became a teacher for my school and to make it even funner, he was MY teacher for history. Everyone knew he was my uncle and I was his niece. And you know what? He kept a professional distance with me and treated me like any other student when he was at school. I addressed him as "Mr. *beep*" or "teacher" and he never interfered between my friends or anything. After school he was my uncle and I was his niece.Like the anonymous female reader said, you will NOT even see her, and your mom is a mature person. I'll be blunt with you and I'll tell you you're acting immature and paranoic right here. Mature up and when you see your mother treat her with respect and dignity and don't look "ashamed" of her. That would be the most annoying thing a kid would do and that would be an inniciative for kids to make fun of you; because they know it bothers you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Vow, I think you are acting like a spoilt "brat"; you mom will be doing it with a reason; probably to earn extra money from which you will also reep the benefit;
Have you ever considered that she might not be doing this by choice; but that she might have to do it; for financial reason;
I suggest you be gratefull for a mother that is doing things like this to support her family;
Oh, and it is not really that bad to have a parent at the school; trust me, my dad was Teaching at my school; it actually does have perks too.
I suggest you go and give your mom a big hug and make peace; tell how much you love her.
Give her a big SMILE.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): The point that your missing is that your mom is a grown woman capable of making adult decisions. There will be a reason behind her deciding to take a job at your school like financial troubles... and too be honest the 'detention lady' is not the biggest role your mom could have there. Imagine if she suddenly became a teacher and actually taught you or your friends. It wont be as bad as you think trust me, it happened to my little sister (i had left by then) and she was absolutely fine, infact she was really popular. The point is you said yourself you wouldnt ever see her and detentions are AFTER school in america arent they? i fail to see where she is invading your 'privacy' if your not actually seeing her at any pointBottom line is you need to let your mom do this and grow up a little bit, show a bit of maturity. If your worried about boyfriends you should have a good enough relationship with your mom to be honest with her in the first place. Its not the worst thing in the world!
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