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female
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anonymous
writes: I've recently met this guy that I really like and we've been dating since the end of August. I just recently found out that he wants a career going out to sea for maybe 3 or 4 months at a time. At this point, I can see myself with him for a very long time, but I don't know if I can deal with being apart for so long. I want to be with him all the time. I wish I could tell him to stay here with me, but I know that if he actually did, I would be living with the guilt of him not going for something he wants. I just don't know what to say to him... I can't lie and say that I'm so happy for him, but I don't want to be unsupportive either. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fifi +, writes (30 January 2006):
Hi,I can completely sympathise with your situation as my other half is a soldier. He has been away for almost exactly half of the time we've been together, and I'm not going to tell you it's easy. He was away for 6 months last year and it is very very hard to begin with. You need to trust each other COMPLETELY and have a good network of people you can turn to for support. But, with time you do get used to it and there are some weird bonuses! Not many people get to miss each other for long periods like we do, and you never get bored of each other. In fact because the time you are together is so special, you really make the effort to make sure it's the best. And of course the sex when you do finally get together again (and you've been looking forward to it for months!) is amazing! It really is up to you to decide if you can cope with it or not. I didn't think that I could, but we talked about it for a long time, and I made sure he understood the fears I had, etc. In the end, if I wanted to be with him (and I definately did) I had to put up with it. In my case, I couldn't stop him from going (it is his job), and in your case I don't think you should stop him from going either. He will only resent the missed opportunity later, and he may decide that it's not for him after a few trips. My advice would be to talk to him properly and honestly. Make sure that he can see the same long term future that you can, and be honest with him about the way you feel. If you are going to to be together for the long run, then only you can decide whether the short term difficulties are worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): Let him go and you will reap the awards later on down the line. When he's gone you will be lonely but three or four months isn't that long and will fly. He is probably just as anxious as you are about leaving you behind so talk it over with him and whats 3 or 4 months in a life time anyway.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 January 2006):
 Well you will just have to ask yourself "Are you better off with him, all be it with 3 to 4 months separations, or will you be better off without him". If this is something he really wants to do it, would be wrong to ask him to give up his dream. Maybe you should see just how hard it is for you after a couple of the separations. You might find some interesting things to do while you wait for his return. It could work out if you make the effort but if you are miserable the whole time then you should look for a guy who is more of a homebody. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): It will be a good test of the relationship, as long as you tell him that it might be too much to ask but that you will try. tell him perhaps you will get used to waiting for months. relationships don't have to be that committed at first, especially after such a short time, if there is trust, that's all right, if there is an understanding that you are both independent people with a close friendship, that is very good also. It is possible to mess around.Wives of blokes in the Navy can go to someone else for comfort when they are alone, that's what happened to the first wife of the brother of Prince Charles, I saw it on TV that the absences in the Navy is what led to the divorce so fast.
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