A
female
age
41-50,
*epressed81
writes:I was dumped by my ex boyfriend in August last year. He did it via email and sms. Refused to answer my calls. Even when I went to his place to look for him, he refused to see me. He told me we are not suitable. His friend pitied me and told me he was dating other girls and have been going for one night stands. His friend also mentioned that he has cheated on at least two of his previous girlfriends. I never get to verify these, but I know that in the same month before he broke up with me, he started dating this girl who slept with him within a month. The only consolation for me is telling myself that a leopard never changes his spots. He will cheat on the new girl too. I know I sound very evil but this is the only way to make myself feel better. But constantly I will feel upset, and I still cry sometimes, thinking was I such a lousy gf that he treated me this way.It has been almost a year and they are still together. Recently I got to know that they have bought a condo together for investment purpose. My world started to fall apart again. If he is not serious this time round, he would not make such huge investments with her, as monetary matters will make things complicated during a break up.I am evil, I do not want him to marry her, the girl that he cheated on me for.I hate myself for being such a loser. He has moved on and is happy. I want to fall in love again but whoever I tried dating pales in comparison to him. I will start feeling upset thinking that if only we have not broken up, I will not be in such a pathetic state now.How do I stop these negative feelings? I tried telling myself that even without her, we will still break up, but this method is not helping. I started to dream of him again recently, dreaming that we are back together. I might just go crazy if he marries the girl.
View related questions:
a break, acne, broke up, cheated on me, my ex, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Get a grip and get angry at your ex. Then you'll realise that your ex is so weak he couldn't face you when he dropped you and was a bastard that lead you on, even though he was already lining up his next woman. After a time you'll find that it is a bit easier for other men to compare favourably with your ex.You need to control your "self talk". There's no way you could have made your ex stay with you -- since he was lying and scheming to dump you -- so "what if games are simply destructive of your ego and not productive at all. Especially after a year.As for negative feelings, your body is designed to flush them. Turn off the TV, take up exercise, take up a hobby which interests you and where you widen your social circle. Look for activities where you can relax ad be yourself -- so nightclubbing with the girls doesn't count.
A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (16 May 2010):
Hold up here there is nothing evil about you Ms you are merely having issues getting over this which may suprise you is all to normal for lots of us in this situation/s.I am not at all suprised that you feel so hurt and abandoned by a boy who is a complete shit and she to will find that out in time.Back tp you I think you need to go to a counsellor and talk threw some of your feelings and establish why he has sucha hold on you even now. We often have a problem moving on as part of us wants to feel that we are hurt and cannot let go. There is no problem in feeling like this as it is normal healing but it is now time for you to let go and moe onward.It is clear you are intelligent, loyal, mature with great courage especially in your pursuit of him, it is time to find someone else who wants you. they will want you as you have so much to offer and your a bit of a firebrand, that is exciting in itself.You must focus on a future without him / her and someone new in your life. Tonight you can dream about me and we will be on a beach or doing naughty things. Look around and have a go at dating someone you fancy - do it today as I want to know by Tuesday that you have a date?
...............................
A
male
reader, riv  +, writes (16 May 2010):
It's REALLY time for you to move on. You've already lost nearly a year of yr life on this nonsense and it's YOUR FAULT NOT HIS. The other gf or whether he's got one is neither here nor there : for whatever reason or lack of reason he didn't want to be couple with you. So deal with it. Until you meet someone nice fill your out of work hours with activity: jogging / cinema / theatre / take up a new hobby / church / whatever it doesn't matter. Try a hairstyle \ clothes makeover to mark the departure from self inflicted misery. There are worse - much worse - things than being dumped - try a terminal cancer diagnosis for example, or having a child be run over, or being in a bad car smash yourself.There are other men around but don't go aggressively looking : try something totally new - how about a trip to Italy if you've never been or if that's too expensive somewhere totally different from where you are in the States. Stay in youth hostels so you'll meet more people than if you stay in regular hotels. Try some no strings attached sex [ with condoms of course ] either locally or when on vacation.
...............................
A
female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 Listen honey he is the loser not you, you never did anything wrong an you were not a lousy girlfriend. What you need to do now is try and forget him, i know its going to be hard and trying to date other people probably isnt the best thing right now. ANd also you have to remember that every man makes mistakes and i gaurantee that nearly every man will have treated a previous girlfriend badly. You shouldn't want him back because a man like that is no good for you you just need to accept that things happen and they happen for a reason, you may not be able to see it yet but this will have been a good thing for you. Would you rather be cheated on or know that there is someone else out there who is going to love you like you deserve? suggest you draw up a list of all the bad things that he did and keep it close by to look at when you feel sad and regret your break up. It helped me. You deserve better, :) x
...............................
|
