A
male
age
41-50,
*ancock
writes:Okay this is a long story but i wont go into so much detail as i could be here all day. been in a long distance relationship for abt 4yrs, anyway my gf was supposed to come over in Mid Feb this year as i had just spent 9 weeks with her in malaysia from nov09 - mid jan 10 but her father was taken ill and was in and out of hospital so i said be with him and also she was going to finish work mid april so i said come then and we will have all the official ceremonies done so due to fly 28th april , beginning of april she goes all weird and distant ..anyway cut long story short she said she been seeing a guy who was giving her attention , i dunno as friends or not but then she says she is confused and i said well do u want to end this and she cant give me an answer its guess i dunno if she is on a rebound relationship or something.So anyway she did not make the trip to see me to uk coz of her state of mind, ..around 28th april we talked and she said she wants a break to think things through ..i agreed to it but i said for only 3 weeks with limited communication and then we would meet to talk things out, throughout the three weeks i have been keeping the communication its very limited but if she sees my missed calls she does txt me and says sorry she missed my call, now if u dont care u wud not txt back wud uSo i will fly over i called her today as flying in a couple of days..so she started bringing up all the things like i took ages to propose to her i know i did but my grandma who lived with me died last year 09, never the less i proposed to her at xmas09 during the surprise birthday party i gave her for her 30th..then she says she does not know what she wants and that i should not expect anything i said i wont ..i said i can promise her a good life in uk and take care of her..i think the big thing here is that she needs to see wether she is still attracted to me..she still has this wall up and is keeping her emotions inside easier as she is talking to me over the phone. i am due to fly out there to malaysia in next couple of days to go talk and see if we can work this out, thing is she is allowing me to stay with her as she shares house with her brother, she is allowing me to stay in same room with her i think ..so i am also confused she said to me she wants to move on but then is okay for me to come and have possibility of working it out..do u think that she is not as much into this guy as she thinks so wants to see if she still wants me ..i also dont want to set myself up for a fall , and i would tell her look if u want him go ahead i am not being second best for no one ,,i know women say things which they dont mean sometimes ..,so what do i do to go with a clear mind ..obviously she has not seen me for 4 monthsso i dont know how she is gonna greet me at the airport that i guess would be a sign how she greets me..any advice please ..thanks
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 Erm my only advice would be to not to expect to much when you go over there, it sounds to me like she doesnt know which one of you guys she wants and it is unfair on both of you, im pretty sure its the distance in your relationship that has brought these feelings out on her, this guy was there beside her giving her the attention that you couldnt give to her from a distance.
Whatever you do just spend your time talking and being honest with each other, ask her what she really wants, who she wants, does she want to marry you, and would she move to the uk with you and set up life there. You both just need to be open and honest together. goodluck
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