A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m just so confused at the moment but I don't know if I'm just being paranoid. I met a guy online recently and about two weeks ago we met up. Things went really well and he asked me out on a second date. So far we’ve been on our third and fourth date (movies and then a drive in the country). He’s a great guy, really nice, respects my boundaries and seems like he wants to get to know me. What’s the problem then? I’m scared to go too fast with him (doing this has hurt me in my last relationship where the guy got the wrong idea about me and when I refused to sleep with him he left me) so what I’ve done so far with this guy is only given him a peck on the lips on our second and third date. Fourth date we were out for lunch and I didn’t think a busy street on a Sunday afternoon was an appropriate spot for a proper kiss anyway. We haven’t made plans to see each other again but he did say we have to get together soon. He hasn’t said anything or done anything to make me think he’s lost interest but I’m just feeling like I haven’t done enough to show him I’m interested. He’s asked me before if I wanted to come over and watch movies at his place but I declined because I don’t want him to get any ideas about me this early on and I don’t want to put myself in that position again.At this point, do I wait for him to get in touch with me or do I contact him (not to ask him out but just to see how he’s doing and so on). I know that a guy should be the one ‘chasing’ but I feel like in my efforts to protect myself I’ve acted a bit aloof with him and he might think I’m not that into him. On the other hand I could be reading this wrong and I don’t want to go messaging or calling him and then coming across as desperate and clingy. I really don’t know where the fine line is.Do you guys think he’d sense that something is up with me? And once you’ve had a few dates, who is it up to initiate future dates?From your experience with these things what would be my best move at this point in time? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): From personal experience, if a guy is into you, he will want you and stick with you even if it means not "getting any" for a while.You say you've only been on a couple of dates, but if you like this guy, then why not confide with him as to why your holding back? if he's as decent as you think he is, then he'll understand right?As for the chasing, i dont see why either of you has to chase. you contacting him shows that your not falling into sterotype where the guy has to catch the girl. a quick call or text cant hurt anyone? even if its "hey, thanks for the drink last 'week' must do it again sometime". one cant hurt eh.good luck with it all. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer. I did nothing and he's come back asking me out again :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): men like to chase. And i would let him contact you first about another date.
If he likes you, he won't be put off you because you havn't kissed properly or havn't gone round to his. It will probably make him chase you more.
(Unless he is quite shy.)
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