A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was very attracted to a girl I was working with for a while. She had just gotten out of a relationship and we began hanging out and hitting it off amazingly well. After a few weeks of spending a lot of time together I told her how I felt about her and it was reciprocated. We have been dating for about 2 and half months and everything was going great... in fact amazing! until... She found a new guy friend. For the past 2 weeks all she has done is hang out with this guy. All of a sudden now if I want to see her, she's too busy with stuff or she's already made plans to hang out with her new friend. I'm pretty certain no sexual cheating is going on but it's really starting to hurt my feelings more and more and I feel she's more excited to spend time with him than with me. I've confronted her about this and she tells me I'm just being silly and I have nothing to worry about and that he's "just a friend." If I want go do something with her she calls and invites him too... And it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Am I just being needy or overly jealous? My girlfriend seems to have a real problem with taking into account my feelings with her actions, and if I try to talk to her about it she treats me as if I'm being a pain in the ass. I don't want her new friend to ruin our relationship or anything but at this point I truly feel like he is in the way. How can we set goals and accomplish them and move towards the future if I'm feeling left out all the time? She also has had an abusive relationship with her father her whole childhood and I'm starting to think that might really affect her relationships. It's almost as if she truly does love and care for me but has no clue how to love or care for someone. Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): she was in a relationship for nine months before me. i'm starting to think i may have just been "rebounded" haha
A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (3 March 2008):
It sounds to me as though she is starting to get hung up on this new guy,
but she's not ready to let go of you. I don't think you are being "needy" or
"overjealous" -- i think your reaction is normal! He may be a threat to your
relationship, OR maybe seeing her doesn't mean that much to him, and down the road he'll be gone.
i want to ask you how long she was with the guy she broke up with before you two started going out? If it was a long time relationship, perhaps you are kind of the "rebound' man and she got involved with you before she was really ready.
If it was a short-term relationship, perhaps she's just going from man to man and is not ready for any kind of commitment to any man.
In any case, she doesn't seem very sensitive to your feelings, as she should be given your months together! If you really love her, you should find a way to fight for her, perhaps shower her with love and affection and invite her to go away to a romantic place for a weekend -- just the two of you!!
Best of luck!!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 She could be playing him against you to see who is the better man.
Her actions do not bode well for you .
It is like you are expendable . She does not consider your feelings.
That is not a good feeling to have.
I guess you need to mirror back her actions to you.
If you still want her, you will have to fight for her attentions or you throw in your towel.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Hi
Can i just say..You sound like a very well balanced guy!
Of course you are prepared for her to have friends, even of the oposite sex. And its good that she will include you in that. I was going to say if everything is innocent, she will be happy with that, then got to the bit where you said she does invite him along with you and her. So that bits good...
BUT, you're right to expect more attention from her than this guy gets, and you are right to talk to her about that. Its a difficult one, because, unless she takes on board what you're saying, which sounds like you are saying it in a mature adult way! Then you have to make a choice. Play second fiddle to this new mate or move on and cut your losses. 2 months isnt an amazing length of time, and if her past has got anything to do with now, you could find she always seeks male approval and will always want male friends playing a big part in her life, simply because she needs a constant boost of male attention. That she didnt get from her dad. It would be interesting to see if someone new comes along after another 2 months?!
C xxxxxx
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