A
female
age
30-35,
*abyKiins
writes:Ok, this is a long one... I'll start from the begining... Two years ago, I just entered highschool as a freshman in highschool... I met Lukas, a senior ready to graduate. I'll tell you a bit about him. Before me he only dated two other girls, none of which serious, because he was obviously not ready. Well, the second we laid eyes on each other we instantly fell hard for one another. In the begining, Lukas couldn't keep his hands off me, and frankly, it was irritating. I knew he loved me, it was obvious, he did everything in his power to show me that. While it may seem sweet and adorable, there was something keeping us apart, my psycho pathic mother, and thats an understatement. Growing up she abused and tormented me, and when I fell in love for the first time, she was bent on destroying it. Well, oblivious to my mothers plotting, Luke and I took a step forward in our relationship together and made love for the first time, losing our virginity to each other. Fastforwarding a few months, we hit christmas. On Christmas day, Luke stopped in and gave me cookies he and his grandmother had made for me. Well,that ended in shear disaster. My mother made herself noticed by punching Luke, right in the face. I had the worst breakdown after Luke left, I was sure he'd breakup with me, I knew he didn't deserve the stress. I called him a few hours later and bawled. Luke told me... after I asked him why he didn't call the police on my mother, he said "If I did that then I would lose you for good..." That struck me hard, he still loved me, thank the lord. Well, after we both realized that I couldn't live with my mother anymore, my grandmother plotted how she could get custody of me. It all worked out amazingly. I've been living with my grandmother for a year now, together with Luke for nearly two years. This is where I need your help... See, Luke has been showing me less and less attention and affection for several months, maybe a year... He also never wants sex anymore... I mean, I can strip down naked and prance around and he wouldn't get turned on, believe me, I've tried. I do everything to attract his attention, and nothing works, and it's not as if I havn't talked to him about this, because I have. "Luke, I know something is wrong, I'm not a blind little girl, I know. You no longer want sex, never want to hug me, kiss me, nothing... I'm not upset, if you don't love me anymore, than tell me. If you want to break up, it's okay." And he denys it... that said, we also fight everyday... I'm not kidding. It's bad, and has been this bad for a year. But, I love him... and he won't leave me, and says he loves me... I've begged him to leave me if he wanted to, and he says he wants to marry me... I don't understand... he's unlike any other guy... But, nothing I do makes him want to make love to me... when I ask he just says "I'm not that kind of guy." or "We don't need to have sex all the time." But, we barely have sex at all, and he used to want sex just by seeing me bend over... He used to want it all the time, and now not at all. What you should also take into consideration is that anything I have ever wanted, he will buy me, he acts like the dad that severely spoils his daughter. But, I don't want all the gifts, I want his love, and I've told him this. Tell me... Should I leave him? Or stick it out for as long as I can? And is there anything I can do to help this relationsip? Thanks... Katie
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female
reader, BabyKiins +, writes (5 July 2009):
BabyKiins is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, we're not living together or anything, but we do live down the rode from each other... I think he's bored of me, but unwilling to accept it himself. No, the sex isn't whats bothering me, it's the fact that he no longer wants to make love to me. He's stopped wanting sex competely, which worries me.
Sex is deffinetly not important to me, it's just that he no longer wants it, when just a year ago he couldn't get enough of me.
I just don't know anymore. He acts as if everything is fine with how he treats me, and honestly, he's pounded every ounce of confidence I've ever had out of me, without meaning to.
I'm thinking about just going with the flow, see how everything works out. If we're in the same rut by time summer vacation ends, I'm going to have to break it off. It's hard to consentrate on school when he's always on my mind. Schools the most important thing in my life right now, and I'm going back as a junior in highschool, I have two years to prove myself to a college, I can't let Luke tear me down.
Thank you all for the advice and support, and if any of you have anything else to say, I'll be listening. Thanks again.
Katie
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): Well I think the problem is that you guys were crazy about each other at first and had too much of "it" so now the flame is just burning kind of low..but on the other hand, what he is saying doesn't sound like a bad thing..I mean he did say he loves u and wants to marry u...So I just say let it be, because things maybe just need to cool down a bit and don't be pushy about things, and stop telling him to leave u, because he's most likely just cooling down and feels at a comfortable zone with u right now..So maybe u should just give him some space and it will be better later...Do u really love him? Or is the sex really all that important? If you kept on giving him sex so easily then he is going to get bored...so don't make it so easy to get when he wants to...guys usually want what they can't have
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (5 July 2009):
 This is probably not quite as bad as you think Babykiins. I notice that you are both still very young, and while you are feeling secure and comfortable in the knowledge that you live with your boyfriend, the 'intensity' has gone a little.
When your Mum was in the picture, and you did not spend every day together, things were way more exciting for Lukas. But seeing you every day, takes away a little mystery. You wake up together, have breakfast, go to college, see each other a lot. You used to speak on the phone, miss each other, and look forward to seeing each other. You are both way too young to be acting like a married couple.
Get out some more, go to the movies, go out to dinner, dress up, and make an effort for each other. The ecitement will soon come back, and you wont be able to prance around naked without him jumping on you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): It sounds uber complicated, but it sounds like if you want to stay with him remind him about the first time you made love to him and the first day you met when you fell in love. Do something amazing and big to show how much you care for him.. i know he knows but do something big and suprising for him.. not so much suductive or sexual, but more sweet and calming and comfortable where you can really connect and remember why you fell in love!
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