A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HI, I recently went back to russia to visit an ex girlfriend and her family. The last time i was there was 4 and a half years ago and she actually dumped me after 24 hours of arriving.I left early and came home.I forgave after a time and her family always kept in touch. In the meantime she's had a baby and been divorced.Anyway last October she asked me over and i went just after Christmas. Things went fine and i played it as a friend because i didnt want to get my hopes up. But towards the end she told me she still had feelings for me. It was too late to explore it then and there so she asked me to go back over. I have booked for the second of March and she seemed happy about this. But over the last week she hasn't come back to 2 texts and even though she text me on my birthday i would've expected a call.I'm starting to get a hot and cold feeling on this even though she did send me a quite personal message on Valentines day. I sent her flowers and actually had to text to see if she had received them. I don't want to confront her seeing as there could be explanations such as problems with her little girl and the fact she is doing exams but i don't want to go through the same thing as before. Should i contact her and see if she still wants me to go over or should i wait till closer to the time and see if communication improves?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Blimey you must have it bad and doesn't she know that.
Personally I think she's had her chances and she blew it.now her lack of manners shows lack of respect - a thank you for the flowers cost nothing, to phone on your birthday is something you just do when you care.The dwindling texts and contact isn't good either.
Just cancel your ticket and tell her why.You can re-assess the situation later if you feel she is actually genuine. Your gut feeling is telling you something so listen. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): Do listen to your instincts on this. The hot and cold feelings are telling you something. Her contact with you seems minimal, baring in mind she has recently discovered all these feelings for you. Again!
It has been at least 4 and a half years, yet you are still left wondering if she is interested or not. That should tell you something!
I am wondering if she is just keeping you as an iron in the fire, so to speak. First she wanted you, then you arrived in Russia and she dumped you quick smart. Went off and married someone else. That didnt work and you find yourself being reeled back in. So you revisit and she only tells you about her feelings when you are about to leave? That doesnt sound right, couple that with her lack of communication now. Hmm. Sorry but she doesnt really sound like someone who is overly keen. Add to that, she didnt even bother to thank you for her flowers. That was plain rude! She is not making much of an effort to be honest.
Being practical, I would call her within the next few days and find out whats going on. If you need to cancel the flight and you leave it too long, you might not get a refund. If she has gone cool and the trip is cancelled, try to move on. Otherwise you could spend another 5 years wondering and hanging about. All the best and I hope things work out OK.
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A
female
reader, zxcsdiana  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I think that you should wait another 4 days. If she is still giving you the cold shoulder, then you should definitely ask her to see if something is up. It is better to be safe than sorry, especially in this case since you are traveling quite a ways just to see her. She may be busy with her child, and maybe she's explaining to her about the situation. Don't talk to her too much because she might feel like there's too much going on to worry about. Just let her know that you're there for her if she needs help or support.
But I still think you should wait a couple of days before you ask her about how she feels because things might get better! Good luck! :)
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