A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will give you some background information first:I've been with this guy for 6 years. We broke up last October due to his family problems and he freaked out and pushed me away. I am 21 and we started "dating" when I was 14--young I know, but our parents were friends and we met when our parents would have dinners or what not. Basically this guy has been a huge part of my life, boyfriend and best friend and I have this huge attachment to him.As time went on, our parents stopped being friends due to the fact that his father stole money from my mother and is currently in jail from doing that to several people. So, my parents weren't fond of my boyfriend anymore. I went off to college and he basically did nothing with his life. Slept in his car a lot and I found I was basically supporting him. I found for last 3 years of our relationship was a struggle and a battle to stay together. But I loved him and still do very much.Last year was the worst year ever (the breakup) He was very rude to me, called me many names, screamed at me, lied to me, blocked my number etc. I found myself very lost and upset bc I was only trying to help and save what we once had. I have been nothing but loyal and overly kind to this person and he's done nothing but cheat on me a few times and lie to me over the past several years. But for some twisted reason, which I am trying to figure out, I put all of that negativity aside.Last years craziness and emotional abuse caused me the worst pain ever. I put a Restraining Order on him from the pressure of friends and family because he would treat this way, but then in private come tell me he loves me and wants me in his life and needs me to help him get his life on track. We didn't talk all summer until the end when my father suddenly passed away. I called him bc I needed that person who was always there for me. We talked for a few months as I went back to college and he visited me a few times. It felt good to talk to him and be with him not on a crazy level. I was even going to take the Restraining Order off.Then, one day he freaks out and tells me how much he hates him and can't talk to me and throws me throw this crazy cycle of his once again. I swear he's bipolar. i started to feel that sickening feeling again and got upset, but with the passing of my father, I've realized I shouldn't waste my time on this. I went on, upset deep down, but know he is such a LOSER that I shouldn't care, but for some strange reason I do. A few weeks later he shows up at my door professing his love to me and needs me blah blah. Turns out he is living wt another GIRL!! But, says she is not me and I need to be patient bc he's using her to get his life on track. I of course crumbled to the things he was saying bc I've been waiting for him to say those things for over a year, but was very skeptical about this other "girl" Of course, a few days later, he freaks out and told me everything he said was a lie and was just "in the moment." I can't handle this whiplash anymore. I want him in my life, but not this way. I know he sucks and is going nowhere, but it seems like he's so happy with this new girl now and I guess I hate the fact that someone else is doing what I used to do. I feel like this guy doesn't deserve that, but he keeps getting these really nice girls who are going somewhere in life to help him out. Then I wonder if he really loves her more than me and if he will ever do these things to her? I feel like I'm going crazy and I hate it. I know I need to move on, and I try, but it's everytime I hear something or he pops into my life again that that soft feeling comes back and I am stuck back at square one.The things that I've done for him and been put through with him, he should be begging to be with me. I don't understand why the tables aren't turned. Any help or advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): Thank you. I appreciate your feedback. It's so twisted, I know all of this and have known this, but it's always when he comes running back or when I feel like I was never good enough when he portrays how "great" he's doing (even though I know I was way too good). I go to Emerson College in Boston and am really going somewhere in life. I am Greek and family is very important and present in my life, I don't want a father-in-law whose in jail. My father is probably rolling in his grave watching me even give this guy the time of day. The ideal guy that I'd want to date is the total opposite of him, so I don't understand why I even think about him anymore. I hope my "childhood" attachment wears off...I've been seeing someone professional about this and she says that time will eventually wear off this attachment. I just wish there was something I else I could do because looking at all the cons only helps for a certain amount of time.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 December 2009):
Young lady. FORGET THIS GUY NOW! He doesn't love you. he doesn't care about you, he's just using you and he sounds like a total wreck. You cannot help him. You have tried, he hasn't responded. Your life will be dragged into the gutter because of him if you don't just stop all contact. Look at what you've written. You even had to get a restraining order, and even now, with a new girlfriend, he's trying to run your life. You have seen what he does. He preys on women who will help him, because he know they will. Get away from him, stop all contact, or never have a life. Your choice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): My advice: forget about him. Move on. Don't ever speak with him again. He will most likely never grow up and never learn to take care of himself, so let him live his life however he wants, but without you being involved and in the middle of it. You sound like a nice girl, don't let this guy hold you back.
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