A  ,
*elsi
writes:Hello, I have a really good female friend and I am female as well. We have been fighting an attraction between us for over 2 years now. There is no doubt she loves me very much and at the very least I would be her very best friend ever. Anyway recently I have gotten sick, she doesn't know exactly what it is because all the testing hasn't come back yet. However she is very much aware that I am very worried about it. It appears that she is avoiding the issue and I don't understand why. All my other friends and family call me all the time to check on me and ask me what is going on and how my appointments are going etc. However I am perplexed by my friends behavior. Is it possible that it is just to much for her to handle. And if so why would that be??? She tells me I am the most important person to her. Why would she behave this way????Thank youKelsi Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): I would say dont take it personally..She loves you and cares about you and she is very worried but she has no idea how to show it. I have a friend who was diagnosed with ALS and it was hard for me to see her in that spot and she knew it but I didnt spoke about it-didnt want to. But I was there and we went to lunch, dinners and car rides but we didnt talk about it unless she brought it up.. Another friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer.. same thing we did things together and she knows I love her dearly but I cant talk about it..I have asked how they were- just basic questions always avoiding the diseases.. My heart can not take the pain my friends were feeling. At home by myself I would cry and ask God to care for them but I only did what I could handle..I hope your test comes back ok..Take care
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 "the same", of course, means "the same strength this person has".
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 October 2008):
I think I need to qualify my answer.
I don't need to know what your disease is or could be, because that is your private life. I will assume it's something serious.
If someone avoided you because you got the flu, that person should not be called your friend. That is not a serious disease and does not compromise her in any way.
If the disease is serious, some people cannot bear with you. That is the hard and sad truth. We can speculate as to why, but, from your point of view, the problem is that you appreciate that person and have found she doesn't appreciate you as much as you thought. If she did, she would do as other people have done.
Sometimes you need to be more understanding. Some people are not ready to face disease, particularly if they have always lived in a world where everyone is young and healthy. A friend who has a disease is disturbing. So they stay away, not because they hate you or whatever, but because you become something they can't face.
Focus on the positive. Many people have shown you their appreciation and care. Treasure that. These are friends in need who have proven their worth.
Sometimes people are shaken at first but react later.
I hope you're not seriously sick. And, if you are, I wish you to have the inner strength not to give up, ever.
Where I live, there is one public figure who is despised by most people. He is rumored to be seriously sick, and some people are even happy about that. He's not someone I like, either, but I need to recognize that he just won't quit, ever, disease or no disease. I wish you the same.
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