A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My best friend met this guy who she thought was 23/24 and he thought she was 26. So they both assumed without knowing. When really he is 28 nearly 29 and she is 18. Does anyone else find it weird that someone his age and hers are texting each other? She told him her age straight away and he told her his, which she was shocked at. So I asked her if she was interested and she said 'no way!! He's nearly eleven years older than me be serious!'. So i didn't understand if that was her reaction why she was texting him? And she said she likes talking to him because he's funny and that she's not flirting with him, she's been clear that she isn't interested like that and he's fine with it.In fact, she even admitted she was surprised that he knows she isn't interested and still wants to talk to her, considering the age gap of eleven years!! So i said she should stop texting him, even if it is friendly talk because she is leading him on. But she disagreed and said it's harmless...I just can't understand what the point of them texting each other is? They don't plan on meeting up and she isn't interested in him. And there is eleven years between, it's sick. It just seems a waste and as though she is giving him false hope leading him on!?!?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 what's so sick about 2 adults having fun?
11 years is not a big deal
my last husband was 11 yrs younger than I am and my current boyfriend is over 13 years younger than I am ... age is just a number
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 June 2011):
 A few things here....
1. This girl is legally an adult who is of age or past it to consent to sex. So this guy she's being chatty with isn't a predator/perv/whatever or is he breaking any laws. Everyone is well within the legal system. This guy may be one of those guys who happen to prefer younger women..She may be in fact very mature for 18.
2. I'm curious as to why this bothers you, OP?? Are you interested in this man?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): To be honest, if it's just innocent text messages and she isn't going to meet up with him, i don't see a problem. Why are you so interested in what she's doing? It's not really your business.
"In my book she's a child compared to him and he should be protective of her and be able to carry on a relationship with women who are truly his peers. Chances are he isn't capable of that, he's socially retarded" Oh GetReal: Not everybody needs psycho analyzing. FYI.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (3 June 2011):
I agree completely with Cerberus. I'm in my mid 30's, and in the last year I've dated a few different women between the ages of 22 and 24. 11 or 12 years is not really a huge age gap. It's a little bigger of a gap when the girl is only 18 verses say 21 or 22, but if your friend and this guy do get into a relationship as they get older the gap will become less and less of an issue.Things can easily escalate from a friendship / texting buddies into more. If he's still texting then make no mistake, that's what he wants... and if she's texting him back she is at the very least entertaining the thought herself. If she weren't interested at all then she would blow him off. It's cliche, but actions speak louder than words. In this case you can just ignore that your friend says she's not interested, as her actions indicate otherwise. Likewise, when the guy says he's fine that she isn't interested in him, he's saying it's fine *for now*. Meaning he's patient and plans to stick around, hoping he'll eventually get a chance.For a point of reference, a patient man can keep this kind of pursuit up for quite a while without getting discouraged. As long as your friend keeps texting, that will probably be enough to keep him on the hook.
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A
female
reader, Claire1640  +, writes (3 June 2011):
Hey,So i am actually in the same situation, but i guess mine could be classed as ALOT worse!! I'm 16, almost 17..and i'm really close friends with a 39 year old that used to be my neighbour, we've known each other for a long time, since i was like 14. We text each other quite alot, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything!! Obviously our age gap is alot larger than your friends but if you both know that it's harmless and you both arent attracted to each other then i guess it's fine in my opinion!I know some people would think it is sick and weird like yourself, but honestly to me..and your friend that is in my same position it's just friendship! In my expierence, the guy i was one about is a great person and we chat about everything! I guess we talk because we just get along so easily.I think in your friends case, they could just enjoy there friendship!! if she's told him that she's not interested and he knows this, and they're texting..then they obviously just enjoy each others friendship! Like the other person said, he's 28, he defiantly knows how life works and he'll understand that she isnt interested if she's explained this to him! He probably just likes her for who she is and wants to stay friends? 3
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): She's not leading him on, she made it clear nothing was going to happen. But he's still sticking around because he still thinks it will happen, which if she's still texting him makes that very likely no matter what she says.
There's nothing sick about 11 years difference. I'm 9 years older than my girlfriend and I got her the exact same way this guy is trying it on with your friend. I became friends with her and we fell in love. This guy is going about the same way and there's every chance he'll be successful too because no matter what she says she does like him or she wouldn't be texting him. Something tells me you'll be the last person to know if anything does happen because of your attitude towards the age difference. It's very possible the only reason she hasn't started dating him is because you think it's sick.
OP her actions tell a very different story than her words. That's why you're confused but make no mistake she is interested in at least staying in contact with this guy, so there is interest and perhaps she just won't admit it's something more.
He's 28 OP he's not some kid that doesn't understand how life works. She says she's not interested but he knows he can change that, he knows that if she really wasn't interested she would have closed the door completely but she hasn't and it's really not that hard to take things to the next level from there. Seeing as she's keeping the door open he still has every chance.
I think what she tells you and how she actually feels about this guy are two very different things and that's understandable because you're so opposed to it.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (3 June 2011):
 It depends on the nature of the conversations, if he takes on a guiding older brother type role, then I think it's harmless, but somehow I don't think that's it.
He is the creepy one if he is trying to groom her into trusting him so he can make his moves. If he is flirting, he's a perv. In my book she's a child compared to him and he should be protective of her and be able to carry on a relationship with women who are truly his peers. Chances are he isn't capable of that, he's socially retarded and grossly immature and can't get a woman his own age to give him the time of day....perhaps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): Hi, I am not too sure what makes an 11 years difference between friends sick...you will really need to explain that. My husband and I have 11 years between us and I met him when I was 23....there is nothing sick is spending time with someone who is older than you ...whether it is a love relationship or just a friendship. The only way I can see this bothering you is if you KNOW for sure the guy is some freakozoid with a hidden sexual agenda...a sexual predator or something....OR ...if you are jealous that she has this person in your life. But to say that out loud to the world, is really a bit close minded.Both of them are adults.....I am assuming that she is your age...and consenting adults at that. If they are cool about speaking to each other on a platonic basis..who are you to tell her not to do that? It's her life...and I understand that you want to protect her and not see her get hurt...but if SHE is telling you that SHE and HIM are fine with their rapport with each other....why is this bothering you so much. He isn't some 50 year old dirty old man...he is just 11 years older than her...and they are friends. It is texting.If I were you, I would be there for her....be right by her side...all the way with her texting...that way IF...and I say IF it does get out of hand or they want to meet, she will feel comfortable taking you with her as a support. That way you will always be available to protect her.But it is not weird...or horrible to have a huge age gap between two consenting adults.
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