A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Me and my boyfriend of 1 year and 2 months, broke up nearly six months ago now, but have remained friends since.His reasons for the breakup were that he wanted to concentrate on himself (his family, studies etc).For many of these months I was constantly upset around him and depressed, but then I managed to teach myself to be normal around him. Things got better, but we started having sex again.There were times when I did things where he would have never spoken to me again, but he said for some reason something made him contact me.Then one time I got really drunk in front of him and he didn't talk to me for about 2 weeks, whereby during this period we had no sexual contact. Eventually I contacted him and we started talking again.Then recently the sex started again, and then he asked me my views on us still having sex, so I told him how i felt, and alot of questions were answered. I explained that I felt used and that I was only doing it to make him happy, as i knew it was the only way i could be close to him. He said he felt really bad and it was all his fault. He thought we were both doing it just for some fun.He said before that he told me that he told me there was never any possiblilty of us being together again, but he only said it so i would accept the situation.I explained that you can never say never, and he then said that he honestly doesn't know if theres a posibility. But when i started to blame myself for the breakup, he said it was more his fault because i was willing to make compromises but he wasn't. He said he wasn't ready for an adult relationship wheras i was, and when the going got tough he couldn't handle it.He also mentioned that there was obviously still going to be an attraction.He said that he thought i had moved on.. as i was getting on with things and he was happy with me. I told him that i was just trying to give him space and he said that he appreciated that.I don't understand why he still wants to be friends... we speak on a regular basis and he speaks to me and sees me more than most of his friends. I don't even think he has told his family yet..as i still come round.In reality what are the chances that couples can remain friends, i know that i can never just be his friend, because i don't see him like that, i still lov ehim and will never be able to look at him differently. But i can't not have him in my life at all!Why is he behaving like this? Does he still care? Does he really only want to be friends or does he just want time to do his own thing? Will he ever take me back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, cdjudd  +, writes (28 January 2009):
I went through this with my ex-girlfriend. I dumped her due to her lack of respect for me. Then I tried to compromise and be friends with her. All that did was create questions to her. Sometimes it can work out but sometimes the situation will not change and will only escalate your emotions. Remember that your well-being is number one, not his. Follow your instincts.
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