I don't understand why he became distant and changed

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I met this guy and I liked him from the moment I saw him. He was a friend of my best friend's boyfriend, and her close friend too. When I told her I liked him, she was glad and she started telling me about him, about how nice he is and that he is really, really shy, so If I wanted to make a conection with him, that I would have to start talking to him first. So I did. We started chatting online and it was great, he was really nice and friendly [but in moments shy too.. he was like backing up at first if we got close to flirt] and after a while we started flirting for real, he was more and more comfortable [he even started doing things like calling me first all the time, winking at me when he saw me or slightly hitting on me in his own shy ways] and the next thing I know we were making plans for a date. So we went out and we made out and everything was beautiful, and our conection after that was great too.. we were even planing a second date.. There were few days when we weren't able to comunicate well and I got scared that something has changed, but that doubt only lasted for those few days and was gone when I went out with my best friend and her boyfriend [whose friend he is] and the same night he came and we made out again, so again everything was perfect. The folowing days everything was back to the beautiful relation we had.. He was calling me first all the time again, we comunicated great again, but that was only the next few days.. and than out of nowhere he was distant.. We talked less and less as time passed.. and even when we talked [that would be If I called him, if not he wouldn't call], he was distant, always in a hurry, always going somewhere or doing something, talking about the weather, cold with emotions.. I got really scared that maybe he wants to end it so I gave him space and didn't reach for him in few days and there he was calling me.. And than again the distant relation.. This happened few times [me leaving a space and he breaking the silence but only for that day and than back to cold].. I even tried asking him out few times and failed to go out every time, but the thing that pissed me of was that even in those situations, If he wanted to end it - he could.. He could just say it, or use the opportunities when I gave him space not to call me again.. We even went out one night with a lot of our friends but nothing happened.. we barely talked and when he walked me hope, he didn't even say a proper goodbye.. He just waved or something.. I wonder what happened because the attitude changed out of nowhere.. like one day it was perfect [I remember all the things he used to say, the gestures] and the next day we started being strangers.. Literally over night.. And I know that he isn't a jerk or anything because well, first: I know him, he is a good kid and second: well everybody [my best friend even] talked about how nice person he is even before I met him.. and after all.. my best friend would never set me up with someone if she knew he is a jerk - in fact she was so glad we got together just because she knew he wasn't a bad guy.. What bothers me is that our relationship wasn't serious, but it could become like that if we continued seeing each other but instead, we got to barely speaking and since not being in a formal relationship I couldn't just ask him out or call him to ask what happened..

View related questions: best friend, flirt, shy

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A female reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (20 July 2009):

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