A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I am stuck in a very difficult situation at the moment. I have been in an amazing relationship for the past year. I feel so happy and complete, where I genuinely feel I found my other half even if it does sound a bit cliché. He is an incredible guy! He treats me with so much respect; He’s thoughtful, kind, generous, so understanding. Whenever we meet up, he is two hours early and always has a treat for me. That’s the kind of guy he is. He knows how to treat a girl right. Also, he has ambition and he is the hardest worker I know. He is currently a medical student and got there through sheer determination. He knows his goals and knows how to achieve them. He is honestly a dream come true. We are in a very long distance relationship, literally on two corners of the world, yet strangely enough, this isn’t the problem at all. We talk to each other when ever we can, always on webcam- every single day. To be honest being so far away from each other has made our relationship so much stronger.So the problem? My parents. First of all, let me say, I understand where they are coming from, I truly do. However, I personally don’t think it’s completely fair on me and especially on him. My boyfriend’s father is not a good person, he was unfaithful to his mother through their entire marriage and he has done a lot of illegal things. HE is a nightmare. The thing is, my boyfriend did not find out about his father’s bad ways till last year. It ripped him apart. HE was the one trying to keep his family together. He tried so hard because my boyfriend loves his family so much. They mean so much to him. All he wants is to be in a loving, tight family. My boyfriend is NOT his father. I know that and he knows that but unfortunately, my parents- they don’t even want to find out.They know all about his father so automatically judges him. This is SOOO unfair because he is so amazing. My boyfriend really wants my parents blessing, we both just want to be accepted. My parents are very orthodox and have traditional values. However I feel these values are discriminating. I’m only allowed to marry someone in the same or a higher class than me. It’s absolutely ridiculous. They are trying to impose these values on me but I just don’t agree with it. It’s ruining my relationship with my parents and making life so hard for my boyfriend and me. Also, they believe that if I marry someone from a broken family, it will happen to me. However, my boyfriend wasn’t raised in a broken family to be exact, all his life he believed his dad was an amazing person, so he knows what is right and wrong. He is VERY intelligent. I’m not allowed to go out because they think I’ll see my boyfriend, I’m trapped in my own home. I know they won’t listen to me because they feel I am too young to understand, but I personally think I am more morally mature than them. I just want a third person’s opinion because I just don’t understand my parents.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): "They [your parents] . . . automatically [judge] him. This is SOOO unfair because he [boyfriend] is so amazing."
"my boyfriend wasn’t raised in a broken family to be exact, all his life he believed his dad was an amazing person,"
Unfortunately those two excerpts have undermined your entire argument; your parents know your boyfriend is not the living saint you portray him to be, and since he lives most of his life half a world away and NOT on webcam, then you only know the side of him that he wants you to see. He has another life about which you know virtually nothing.
Also, if bf is a medical student and you give your age as 16-17, I'm assuming he's several years older than you. ALWAYS a red flag when older guys consort with teen girls, very often indicates that he has some type of unresolved issue, character flaw or other baggage that causes women his age to reject him, and guys like that often turn to younger, naive, impressionable teenage girls who can't make the distinction between age and maturity.
Class issues aside (and I agree they're unfair but if they're an inherent part of your culture and ingrained in your parents' way of thinking, then you are never going to change their minds, at least not at your age), your parents have legitimate reasons to be concerned.
Bottom line is if you're a minor, then your parents have legal responsibility for and authority over you absent child abuse, criminal activity, or moral turpitude, so what they say goes no matter how morally mature or superior you may consider yourself to be. You will have to wait until you reach the age of majority before you can choose between your family or your boyfriend (if he's still around), and you can be assured it will come down to them or him.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 Where is your boyfriend, if you are at different corners of the world it would make it difficult for you to sneak out and meet him. And class? What is your cultural background, and how do you parents know about the bf's father's illegal activities? I feel the answers to these questions could impact on how people answer your question.
Your parents are concerned, we read more negative stories about girls who meet people online and then come to grief than we do girls who meet people online and land on their feet to live in the lap of luxury, or where ever it is your parents would like you to land.
You say you are not permitted out because your parents think you might see your boyfriend, how is this possible if he is in a different part of the world to you.
You are still young, 16 or 17, with a whole lot of living and growing to do, outside of the room where your computer is located. And yeah, I remember how I thought I was mature and knew it all at that age. Your parents care about you, their attitude to this situation is not unusual, we all would like to think our kids are interacting and mixing face to face with others on a daily basis, as this is how we learn the socialilsation skills we will need to get us through our jobs, careers and lives.
Listen to your parents, they love you and only want you to be safe and happy, they are not saying the things they say to make you miserable, they have your best interests at heart.
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