A
female
age
51-59,
*rokenheartbetrayed
writes:Advice: As ridiculous as all this will sound its true,,, I was in a relationship w/ a great guy for over a year. I wasn't always the model girlfriend because I had my guard up. He said he understood and would always be there, ,always love me unconditonally,,, I haad told him before we started dating about this guy I felt was my soul mate,,I did tell him I needed closure with that guy before I could move on because of how everything had happened throughout our lives, ,over 20 yrs of weird history,,,anyway my boyfriend rolled the dice because he wanted to be with me,,, just before our 1 year anniversary I ran into the guy,,we talked. Went for a drink and parted ways,,,it was weird because what I thought would be my reaction to the whole situation was his reaction,,, I was rather cool and not as affected with the exception of the utter shock after not seeing him for 11yrs,,, anyway my "Best Friend" whom I tell everything to knew all this,,, about 1 month and 1/2 later my Boyfriend broke up with me via text and would not speak with me yet he would speak to my Best friend,,,, Without getting into the detail I now realize (8 months later) she sabotaged any hopes or chances for my boyfriend and I to work out our problems because she was going back and forth between the two of us and strategically lying to us both,,,,how do I know?Because I have caught her in several lies and her stories changed, ,,she has continued this weird friendship with my ex boyfriend ,,She down plays it to me and makes it seem they barely talk. She acts to me as if she doesn't trust him and tells me he would have hurt me anyway and I am better off, ,Meanwhile I know for a fact that she is feeding his head with all lies about me,,she poisoned him against me. I know because what happened between us was not soo bad that it couldn't be worked out for the depth of love he said he had for me but he is sooo very mad at me and it doesn't make sense especially when he did come around a few times in the beginning of our break up and want to work things out.. but then after her involvement he was mad at me again,,,,She is married has a good home, great husband, doesn't need to nor does she work,, beautiful boys,,,I don't understand what her motive is especially when she saw how distraught I was over losing this guy,,,I owned up to him and apologized for what my part was in hurting him and our relationship yet that wasn't good enough,,,, My actions should have told him I was sincere but I realize now she has been playing the middle the whole time because when ever I would give him the benefit of the doubt she would bash him and tell me I me better off and to move on,,,Yet if he was so bad and she is my best friend why is she maintaining a friendship w/ him? I don't trust her I hve stopped talking to her and am upset because I wish I could reach out to my ex and let him know,,,but he would just run back to her and tell her and not even answer me. She would then cover her tracks like she always does.... its sad, ,,, I don't know what to do,,I still love him and it hurts more to know our chance was manipulated,,albeit my beginning actions (no cheating or anything even close,,just my apprehension) gave her the perfect in to sabotage us. How or can I ever get him to see?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 July 2012):
 Thank you for your lovely detailed follow up.
Stay strong and keep on a course to rebuild a better life.
regards
Abella
A
female
reader, brokenheartbetrayed +, writes (8 July 2012):
brokenheartbetrayed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Abella, Thank you, it took me a long time to realize that she is not my friend, and definitely not my BEST friend. I see now over our history,, about 27 yrs of friendship, or what I thought to be friendship was her just feeding the friendship enough to maintain and to manipulate me. But to realize she could watch me so distraught, and sick over the break up with my bofriend and feign sympathy all the while making sure we never got back together and developing her own in with him makes me sick. On the flip side you are right. He should have given me the respect and benefit of the doubt to speak with me with an open mind even if he was hurt. His actions after the breakup,,, constant communication with her,, and none with me shows that maybe his love wasn't as strong as he said or that he is in fact weak. I would think that common sense on his part would have come into play at some point.. as in,,, why is her best friend bashing her? how is this right,, when he knows that I would never bash her... but you are absolutely right I need to stay away from her and all ties to her and that is what I am doing. I am done. so done. we had a falling out 17yrs ago when she pulled something else and I had had enough then,, I just cut ties and 7 years later she called out of the blue and she apologized to me and swore she would never let anything get in between our friendship again because she realized that I was the only true person in her life,,, here we are 10yrs from then and she is doing it again,, why? idk. Well I suspect because for the first 2 yrs of our renewed friendship I found out I was pregnant and then I seperated from my husband and was alone all the while till I met my Boy Friend. I feel as if she doesn't want me with anyone. Anyway,,, I have cut ties again ,,, I just stopped contact with her about a week ago,, she did send a random text a week later but I suspect to feel out the situation to see if I would even answer which I did with the same surface approach and very unlike me. I appreciate what you had to say and thank you for the good advice and outlook on the situation,, it is what i felt...
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 July 2012):
This woman sounds like the nastiest toxic person imaginable.
And your ex is a fool for ever believing her.
Though I have NO DOUBT that she can be very believable. I have met such people and they are truly frightening in that they lie so convincingly. And worse, people believe them.
Do not try to get your ex back while he is still deluded and under her spell. He is weak and willing to hear lies about you means he is not worthy of you at the moment.
Keep all ties CUT permanently between her and you. And do not talk to anyone else who she may be 'gathering evidence from'.
Go seek out a new set of friends who are not associated with anyone who has contact with her nor with your ex.
This is a temporary thing. Starve her of any advice on you.
I suspect her own marriage is not as strong as she would have you know. Leave her in her own cess-pool of gossip. Her own vindictive manipulative nasty tendencies will one day be revealed to all.
It was early days in the relationship. So you did not reveal everything about you. I understand that.
He said all the right words from the start, but guys do that. The important thing is to look at and examine a guys ACTIONS not his words alone. because words alone are not a reliable indicator of who he really is.
And you were honest upfront about your feelings for an ex. And he accepted that, thinking he could be the 'one' for you.
Innocently, you ran into your ex.
And you parted after than innocent encounter after a talk and a drink as just friends.
But your toxic "best friend" (NOT) twisted the knife with information that you gave her in confidence. You trusted her. You know now that she cannot be trusted ever. I believe she lied to your BF about the encounter with your ex. Perhaps she likes causing trouble. She is certainly NOT a friend at all.
And your ex was WEAK to believe her and not you.
If your ex prefers to believe her lies then he is not worth wasting your time over.
And she is NOT his friend either. Just that he cannot see that either and like you he has to find out the hard way, sadly.
And she certainly does not like you. Stay away from her I think she is just disgusting.
Some people, like this woman, are so beset with their own issues and jealousy that they cannot bear to see anyone happy. Her life is not ideal or else she would not need to be so toxic. She is dishonest and COMPLETELY UNTRUSTWORTHY.
yes it is sad. But such nasty people do exist like her in this world. And it is best to keep your distance from such nasty evil people. And anyone who associates with them.
Maybe later if he can see through this woman you may have a chance with him.
Though I would rather see you first try to move on. Develop another network of friends. Take up some other interests that will bring you into contact with other people who are NOT associated with her nor with your ex.
if you can afford it then book a holiday as far away as you can manage it.
Get involved in some local volunteer activities.
Join a Book Club and meet some other intelligent nice women.
Revamp your hairstyle regularly and revamp your wardrobe once every 6 months (and donate to charity anything you have not worn for two years or more.)
Join a local gym.
Do anything but date.
Just work on building up your own inner self confidence to face the world after suffering this nasty toxic attack by your ex friend and this dis-loyal judgemental reaction of a man who should have beleived you but chose to believe her lies instead.
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