A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been with my husband almost 7years, we have two boys 4 and 2. Well last year he started to changed on me. snapping at everything I say, do or don't do. smashing things up, then one time he says he is going to drive me crazy enough to put me in the hospital and divorce me. Well since then he has been playing mind games with me. Forgetting out wedding anniversary starting fight on special occassions so he doesn't have to do anything or go anywhere. Now I as a woman am not perfect, but I have been the backbone of the relationship as if I were the man of the house. Trying to please him, making him happy, going out of my way for him. letting him nagg, B===, etc. This year has been very rough for me with hysterectomy, and two other surgeries and I needed him to step up and help. All he did not long after surgery was put me down push me around, tell me I am a free loader I pay my dues I do everything in this house,EVERYTHING MAN AND WOMAN JOBS. This is my second marriage so this time I am so in love that I gave 150% into this marriage but nothing is good enough. now he hasnt changed his pattern of his days just the attitude, when he is happy and lovable I feel like he is faking or thinking about someone else. he says he wont cheat on me, but if was going to he will hand me divorce papers first, meanwhile, he made me paranoid about everything, I had to go on anxiety and depression medicine. He made me feel like everyone doesnt like me. He has me to the point where I having a problem going to the local WaWa. There is alot more, but what do you think of this. Thank you so much.sincerelyTroubled MOMMY
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ashtarot  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Deep down inside, you have the strength to get past this. You are an intelligent woman who was lucky enough to see the signs before it seriously gets out of hand. Your husband seems to be like the type who will start an argument for the sake of arguing, bully cause he can. You have to show him that you are not one to be pushed around.
His behaviour very much points toward someone who is having an affair. And the reason he's denying it and acting the way he does toward you is because he secretly hopes that you will end things which will give him the freedom of doing what he wants without having a guilty conscience that HE broke up the marriage, but that YOU did.
What about other things apart from his behaviour has changed? Has the amount of time at work become more? Does he go on trips? Who does he phone and send text messages to? All these things you need to look into and only then can you know. People just don't change overnight, there are reasons.
Good luck with everything and I hope, I know, that everything will work out for you in the end.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): I figure if you are acting like the man and woman, he has no postion in the household.
His frustration is boiling over. Reliquish control, it is his position to be the backbone.
If you have no confidence in him fulfilling the role.
You should not have married him, and need to divorce.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Hey TroubledMommy,
Some men do lose it at times don't they?
I think most of our aunts are busy in the festive season.I assure you that they would have rushed to answer you otherwise.I hope you don't mind that I am answering your question.After all emotions and feelings are the same all over the world aren't they?I think you are from a country where no woman puts up with this kind of emotional abuse.
Its emotional abuse.Its as simple as that.Men sometimes do get angry.But not to the point of making someone anxious and depressed.That's not normal behavior of a man.Men who are insecure tend to make the woman cower like cowards.They can show their manliness only in the one way they can.By bullying the woman who is trying hard to save the marriage.
Hysterectomy can take a toll on a person.Now is the time when you need lots of TLC.This Christmas must be so tough for you sweetie.
Your husband is living up to his word.Confused?You have written that he said that he is going to drive you crazy and then divorce you.Score1 for you.You are intelligent.You have realized he is playing mind games with you.
Its the toughest thing you need to do.I understand you don't want another failed marriage.It hurts when you work really hard at a relationship and nothing comes out of it.I am not going to feel sorry for you.I want you to be strong.I am glad you don't have a society like ours.You still have the power to do something about this poor excuse of a human being.I am sorry if my description of your husband hurts you.But that's what I feel.
I don't want to speculate on why he changed.What made him change and so on.Its just a waste of time.I am more worried about your kids.They see him smashing things around.Just think of the fear they must have in their young hearts.
My heart goes out to all of you living with that guy.There are some men who change.There are some men who won't.Only you know what kind of a person he is.
What is the local WaWa?Life is too short to be spent unhappily.Remember your kids should be your first priority.
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A
male
reader, Arianz  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Dear,
1st Y U IS NOT PERFECT WOMAN?
Introduction of guys:
Guys always try to find something attractive in woman…Especially in looks of figure and ways of talk.
So if u think that ur not perfect then try to make u perfect and attractive.
Reason:
2nd: Maybe he can be hanging out with other woman who is attractive to him. But without ensure u can’t say anything to him. Some guys do it when he lose his attraction from his lady and gets another one.
Conclusion:
So u better talk to him openly and know his expectation so that u can fulfill them. Or if he wants to get divorce then it’s up to u. because I don’t think u want to ruin ur life.
Best of luck
Take care,
arianz
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