A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I have remained "friends." The relationship was bad and he decided he wanted it to end it so I agreed. After a week and half of no contact he calls me 4 times but I don't pick up. Finally the 5th call I did and he was like were you near my house? He asked me this because his roommate who is dating my best friend invited me to come over to their house but I told him no its not appropriate because me and my ex split. What would be the point in going there? Yes I would like to hang out with my best friend and her bf but not in my ex's house. So he kept on asking me was i near his house? I was like what is it your concern if I was near your house or not? We are no longer together so why should I have to tell you what I do. He kept on asking so I finally told him no I wasn't. So then hes like ok bye thats all I called for. Then the next day he calls me and I'm like wtf? When I pick up he's stumbling on his words saying oh sorry I pressed the wrong number. It was his birthday that day and I just wished him a happy bday. The next day I was around his area and he just had surgery done so I was like as a friend let me visit him and see how he is doing and give him a bday present. Well there was a bit of drama when that happened but I won't get into it... its too long lol. So when I finally did meet up with him I was so angry (because of all the running around I had to do for him) and I gave him a bit of an attitude but I was still nice and I asked him how he was doing and I gave him his gift. He acted like he didn't care, he was putting on this big front. After I gave him his gift he didn't even say thank you and he said I have to go bye and he walked off!! After all the hell he put me through to meet up with him that's all I got… only like 5 minutes with him and no appreciation! He broke it off with me, I didn't have to be nice and go and see him but I did he should at least be thankful! Ugh.He didn't call me that night to say even thanks. So then I called him yesterday and I was like did you like your gift? He was yeah and he’s doing something with his friends to call him later. I was like no why can't YOU call me later i don't know what time your going to be done. LOL so we got into a dumb argument over that. I was like fine, fine whatever bye. I was surprised that he even called me back but I didn't realize it I was busy doing something else. So I called him late at night with a blocked number (I’m pretty sure he knew it was me) and he answered the phone but he didn’t say hi so I didn’t say hi either. The whole time we didn't speak!! I was in bed and I guess he was in bed and we were on the phone with each other for like 5 hours not talking just sleeping. Before, when we used to go out… we used to talk to each other and fall asleep on the phone together but we haven’t done that in a couple of months because he always had some lame excuse to get off the phone (I think he was talking to another girl but thats a whole other story on its own). Now he does this? Ok I have no clue what’s going on here. I'm so confused. Can someone please explain this behavior. Why is he doing this? Deep down inside I want us to be together but I don’t know about him? His words are so clear, he doesn’t want to be with me but his actions are saying something different. When I try to talk to him, he doesn't want to talk about anything. About the relationship or how he feels. All he tells me that he wants it to be over. But yet he calls me and bugs me over stupid things... like was I near his house? And I'm the type of person who can't let go. I don't understand why would he be on the phone for 5 hours with me!! Aghh!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007): I think you answered you own question, "his words are so clear, he doesn't want to be with me, but his actions say differently."
I think this is what you need to do and it will work out either way.
The boy broke up with you, he was very clear he did not want to spend any more time with you, it's over.
Do NOT try to be his friend, do not call him, take a gift on his birthday, lay on the phone without speaking, do not answer his calls, texts or emails.
You can announce that you are not going to have any contact with him anymore as you think it is best since you aren't happy with a fourth of a relationship and that you are going to move on with your life....you need to break up.
Sometimes after you make a clean break like this, you can contact each other again, and start anew and try to do better about treating each other with respect and friendship, but something has happened where he wants to leave....he may be getting in too deep and he is not ready for marriage. If you want him to be ready, you need to leave him alone so he can really miss you, and really get his thougts together.
We women fall in love through contact with our partner, men tend to realize they are in love in your abscence.
There is no guarantee this will result in you getting back together, so you need to prepare yourself for the fact that it just is not meant to be, don't cut yourself off from meeting and dating other men.
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