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male
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anonymous
writes: i love my girlfreind completley, i have never been in a relationship that has been this comfortable and lasting. she even said yes when I proposed marriage altough we have not announced it yet because i don't have a permanent job and she's still in university and we feel we won't be taking seriousley having not got the proper funds to move in together or even pay for the wedding. but we're holding out and everythings great, to which she would openly agree.only problem is I have recently taken a temp job in the construction business and am not able to spend as much time with her as i used to, and when i do see her i'm usually tired. her college doesn't start till later this year so she's free all summer. she hangs out with her 2 female friends and their boyfriends and for some reason i find myself getting paranoid and jelious of her spending so much time with these guys i barely know. shes friends with them and talks over the net to them all individually and i feel like me not being around as much is making her lonely and willing to seek male attention elsewhere. am i just being silly?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2006): You describe your relationship as comfortable and lasting, but the rest of your message seems to cast doubt on this belief. Do you regard your relationship as secure, or is it that you wish your relationship to be secure?
I think you have to ask yourself why you felt the need to propose to your girlfriend. Was it really because you love her and wish to spend your life with her, or is it because you are insecure, distrusting and want to have a stronger hold over her?
When two people are doing very different things in their life, such as you working and her being free before studying, it can put a huge amount of stress on the relationship and insecurities such as yours are likely to surface. If your girlfriend loves you, then you have nothing to worry about.
To get over your insecurities you need to make sure you are spending quality time with each other. If possible, can you go out with her and her friends so that these guys arn't such an "unknown" in your mind?
What will be the situation in the future? When she starts college, what will you be doing? Will there be more time after the summer for you to spend time with each other, or is the situation going to get worse? You are not happy with the current situation and I think, if it is short-term, you can get through this, but you need to address if things are going to get any better once she does start college.
You are not being silly by worrying about her, but it is a problem that you have made the commitment to be engaged to each other when it seems you have not managed to establish complete trust in her yet.
A
male
reader, anonamous +, writes (24 June 2006):
i dont either but keep strong if you love her ok im only 10 but i have seen a specalist and ive got the iq of a 15 year old hopfuly you will trust me.
(keep strong ok)
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