A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a boy, 7 and a girl, 9. I moved in September to another state so that I could take a teaching job. At the same time, I left the father of my children. This is the source of my problem. I have left the father of my children many times. First, before we had children, because I felt he was possessive and we always fought. I have found his reaction to things very strange. When I'd get sick, he would want to have sex and this would upset me very much. He is Latino and I am North American. Often I have felt like he is very forceful and wants his way. He will drink excessively and this bothers me as well. At first, we were drawn because of our differences. It was like a puzzle to be solved. But, our differences continue to cause me pain. He never had steady work, lives in this country illegally. We have now known each other 13 1/2 years. We were never married. Well, I have moved away from him now several times. Finally, I moved to my home state. He followed me and wiggled his way into my life again. He found a permanent job, which he had for a year or so. I never was financially sound enough before, but recently obtained my teaching credential.So, then I moved to another state to live my life, but he couldn't handle being away from his children, so he quite the only permanent job he ever had and moved here and asked to stay with me until he found a job and a place. He has overstayed his welcome. Then he realized he didn't really like it here. It is harder for him to live here, so he said he is going to go back to my home state to live. But, he wants to have the children for the summer. I said I am going back to stay with my family for the summer. My problem is that I don't fully trust him with my children. He is very harsh with them and they prefer to be with me. I know that they love him, but they don't like how he treats them, nor do I. I feel like this man doesn't have any independence. He has relied on me all of this time for stability. When we are around each other, I get very stressed and we end up fighting. I can't handle his tone around the children and I feel very used. He is in my house, but there is no intimacy and I don't want any. I don't want him around and I feel very manipulated by him. As a result, I barely talk to him and hope that he will indeed move back to my home state and stay there.Anyone have advise about how to handle such a person? I want to move on with my life and feel like I am being dragged down.Thank you for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): I suggest you contact ICE and have him deported.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 What a nightmare. If the guy is a drinker, then having the children shouldn't be an option. There is no chance of him going for that long without alcohol if he is dependant on it.
Thats a good enough reason in itself.
If he isn't working and you want him out your house, then ask him to leave. He's got no right being there. He can still be a father if he doesn't live with them, plenty of fathers manage it.
He sounds like a lay about sponger.
C xxxxx
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